I was enraged when I heard, now it just makes me sad...
A lady at work told me that Easter was great, they had hundreds walk down the isle to accept Christ at her local mega church. Then she went on to say that her Pastor had the church officials/helpers bring in a ton of beachballs. He told his congregation- I wanted to bring these beachballs out to you first- timers today so that you couldn't say, " That one time that I went to church- it was BORING."
So...out they came, beachball after beachball. People batting them around bouncing all over the sanctuary.
WE HAVE MISSED IT!!!
The gospel doesn't work because of us, it works inspite of us. We don't need to dress up the gospel or make it relevant or fun. We aren't selling anything- its the Holy Spirit who changes us and convicts us and makes us desire holiness.
Here are some of Derek Webb's words that echo what I'm talking about- these are lyrics from a song called "Ballad in Plain Red" on his album " I see things upside down"
i’m robbing peter, i’m paying paul
i’m changing my name back to saul
i got to them and you know i’ll get to you
i’m turning shepherds into sheep and leaders into celebrities
it’s holy sabotage, just look around you
chorus‘cause everything’s for sale in the 21st centuryand the check is in the mail from the 21st century don’t want the song i want a jingle
i love you Lord but don’t hear a single
and the truth is nearly impossible to rhyme
but i know the songs with all the hooks
and i know some lies that will sell some books
so grab ‘em fast, i’m running outta time
just keep selling truth in candy bars
on billboards and backs of cars
truth without context, my favorite of all my crimes
chorus bridge what works verses what's right
hey what's the difference tonight?
take out the sign, forget the meal
we’ve got a gym and a farris wheel
i swear it's just like the country club down the block
‘cause you can make your life look good
you can do what Jesus would
but you’d be surprised what you can do with a hard heart
chorus tag
i think you’ve got trouble in the 21st century
so welcome to the struggle, it’s the 21st century
i never thought i’d make it to the 21st century
Lord, i love the 21st century
i write these words from the grave
‘cause it’s the only place that i’m safe
and only the dead are permitted to speak the truth
AMEN!
Friday, April 21, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Letter to a friend recently- just having some fun :)
Hey Bek,
No, its no problem... understand- its not like you can call me from Prague! Have fun with the friends! I know its going to be complicated when I leave for Aussie and the time thing is totally weird. I imagine some days we'll be having early morning hour convos :) And then I'll fly to Vienna to be in your wedding in like 3 years. You'll have a couple kids -I'll marry a guy named "Fleck" a few years later- our kids will be crazy fun and start the new hippie faze ( not the no bra wearing kind- but they will call it Hippy b/c that word will be trendy again by the time our kids will be 18) across Australia & The Pacific. News will get to you that my kids are revolutionaries and you will join them in their fight for a new way of thinking. At first George, your husband, will seem perturbed by the whole thing, but then, oh my...watch out- He will change his name to "Sky" and then later bring the revolution to Germany. Your oldest daughter and my youngest son, who will only be 4 years apart will get married to each other when they are in their late 20's. Everyone will collaborate in our combined family and want to bring this new wave to the states. When we all fly back (with one grandchild, I might add) to the states we see that the revolution has already spread to 49 of the 50 states so we all move to Nebraska ( the one left out state) to open a fishing store. It closes down, b/c there aren't really lakes or rivers in Nebraska and , well, we should have thought about that before making such a big entrepreneurial maneuver. After days of hitch hiking I get killed on the side of the road b/c a tractor mowing a field 100 yards out form the road we are hitchhiking on in Nebraska flicked a rock up from under his tractor and it hit me square in the forehead. I would tell you the rest of the story, but I died then, so I don't know what happened next. Okay- my imagination has been running wild- that was fun. If you want to finish the story, feel free! I'd like to know how it ends.
Saturday morning-ish is good...talk to you then :)Love ya,Jamie
No, its no problem... understand- its not like you can call me from Prague! Have fun with the friends! I know its going to be complicated when I leave for Aussie and the time thing is totally weird. I imagine some days we'll be having early morning hour convos :) And then I'll fly to Vienna to be in your wedding in like 3 years. You'll have a couple kids -I'll marry a guy named "Fleck" a few years later- our kids will be crazy fun and start the new hippie faze ( not the no bra wearing kind- but they will call it Hippy b/c that word will be trendy again by the time our kids will be 18) across Australia & The Pacific. News will get to you that my kids are revolutionaries and you will join them in their fight for a new way of thinking. At first George, your husband, will seem perturbed by the whole thing, but then, oh my...watch out- He will change his name to "Sky" and then later bring the revolution to Germany. Your oldest daughter and my youngest son, who will only be 4 years apart will get married to each other when they are in their late 20's. Everyone will collaborate in our combined family and want to bring this new wave to the states. When we all fly back (with one grandchild, I might add) to the states we see that the revolution has already spread to 49 of the 50 states so we all move to Nebraska ( the one left out state) to open a fishing store. It closes down, b/c there aren't really lakes or rivers in Nebraska and , well, we should have thought about that before making such a big entrepreneurial maneuver. After days of hitch hiking I get killed on the side of the road b/c a tractor mowing a field 100 yards out form the road we are hitchhiking on in Nebraska flicked a rock up from under his tractor and it hit me square in the forehead. I would tell you the rest of the story, but I died then, so I don't know what happened next. Okay- my imagination has been running wild- that was fun. If you want to finish the story, feel free! I'd like to know how it ends.
Saturday morning-ish is good...talk to you then :)Love ya,Jamie
Monday, April 10, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 3
A small lamp was given to Tara and me when we moved in. It was pretty hideous. It had a gold trimmed smoked white glass shade and a brass base and little dangly fake crystals all over it. Marla (our landlady- she looked like a Marla) asked if we needed anything else besides the pots & pans, silverware and beds/mattresses she loaned us. She was quite generous. We told her we needed some lighting, but not to worry about it. She was gracious and said " nonsense!" I will bring some over tomorrow. The next day we walked in and found the aforementioned lamp in our living room on an end table.
I thought to myself, is she allowed to come in with out us here? I was only 18 at the time and had no idea about laws- and I think she knew that. Tara and I were very young. After we saw the lamp we erupted in laughter. Tara opened the hall closet door with out saying a word- and with her nonverbal cue, I grabbed the lamp and put it on the top shelf in the closet. Tara closed the door.
The weeks and months went on... The lamp got further and further to the back of the top shelf in closet.
Its probably February and we have a message from dear old Marla on the machine. In a shaky old lady voice,"Hi girls. Ummm, I will come by to get the rent from you tomorrow and I noticed you weren't using the lamp I lent you. I will come by to get that as well."
Tara got the message before me, but left me a note saying, "I saved the blinking message for you. I saved it as new- you have to hear it- t'bone[ the nick name Tara gave herself]" .
I listed to it and began to laugh and roll my eyes.
The next day we were both home when Marla came over to get the checks. We were just sitting down to have dinner and she knocked. Tara let her in and she handed her her check. The phone rang and Tara went to grab it and said while she was running down the hall to grab it, " We'll get the lamp for you in a second." I was still in my bedroom writing down the check amount on my balance sheets and was on my way to the living room while Tara continued telling the sales person on the phone that she did not want any make-up.
As I came out of my bedroom to hand Marla my check for the month, I swore I heard a door close. When I finally made my way to the living room, I saw Marla there, lamp in hand.
Hmmmm, that's odd, It didn't sound like from the conversation that Tara already handed her the lamp, I thought to myself.
Tara came out from the kitchen to the living room she saw Marla there with the lamp, assuming I had given it to her already.
Marla left. I looked at Tara with gigantic eyeballs. " Did YOU give her the lamp?"
Tara, looked at me with a look that said, what do you know that I don't know?
She replied, "no, I thought you gave it to her."
"No, I didn't give it to her."
We concluded that this curious lady found her way into our apartment when we weren't there and snooped so much that she found the lamp in the back of our closet! I wonder what else she found in the apartment while trying to snoop.
Cheers to the Marlas of this world.
I thought to myself, is she allowed to come in with out us here? I was only 18 at the time and had no idea about laws- and I think she knew that. Tara and I were very young. After we saw the lamp we erupted in laughter. Tara opened the hall closet door with out saying a word- and with her nonverbal cue, I grabbed the lamp and put it on the top shelf in the closet. Tara closed the door.
The weeks and months went on... The lamp got further and further to the back of the top shelf in closet.
Its probably February and we have a message from dear old Marla on the machine. In a shaky old lady voice,"Hi girls. Ummm, I will come by to get the rent from you tomorrow and I noticed you weren't using the lamp I lent you. I will come by to get that as well."
Tara got the message before me, but left me a note saying, "I saved the blinking message for you. I saved it as new- you have to hear it- t'bone[ the nick name Tara gave herself]" .
I listed to it and began to laugh and roll my eyes.
The next day we were both home when Marla came over to get the checks. We were just sitting down to have dinner and she knocked. Tara let her in and she handed her her check. The phone rang and Tara went to grab it and said while she was running down the hall to grab it, " We'll get the lamp for you in a second." I was still in my bedroom writing down the check amount on my balance sheets and was on my way to the living room while Tara continued telling the sales person on the phone that she did not want any make-up.
As I came out of my bedroom to hand Marla my check for the month, I swore I heard a door close. When I finally made my way to the living room, I saw Marla there, lamp in hand.
Hmmmm, that's odd, It didn't sound like from the conversation that Tara already handed her the lamp, I thought to myself.
Tara came out from the kitchen to the living room she saw Marla there with the lamp, assuming I had given it to her already.
Marla left. I looked at Tara with gigantic eyeballs. " Did YOU give her the lamp?"
Tara, looked at me with a look that said, what do you know that I don't know?
She replied, "no, I thought you gave it to her."
"No, I didn't give it to her."
We concluded that this curious lady found her way into our apartment when we weren't there and snooped so much that she found the lamp in the back of our closet! I wonder what else she found in the apartment while trying to snoop.
Cheers to the Marlas of this world.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 2
There are a few things that are different between a "small city" and a "large one"...
Suzanne, Dorcas ( yes that's her real name), and Tara, the aforementioned roommate, decided to have a night out on the town before school started. It was the second day of orientation and these girls who just wanted to have some fun had the weekend ahead of them. Where should we go- the inevitable dilemma of foreigners. Suzanne told us to get in her big van she had driven up from Texas. The way she drove around Spokane was like she had been a cab driver there for years. I was jealous ( see Spokane Memories- Funny Story # 1). We drove to Spokane Park to get a feel for the local life.
Spokane Park is no ordinary park. Waterfalls, a carousel, bumper cars in the summer, iceskating in the winter, acres of rolling hills and green trees, a Big-Ben-esque clock tower, vendors selling t-shirts and cotton candy, a football stadium sized lake, and swans and ducks to boot. If you are ever in Spokane, go to the park- you can even ride a gondola!
We parked, got out of the van and started to explore what would become one of our favorite spots in the city. It was long after dark so most of everything was closed. I can't remember talking a whole lot, but for being with people I had just met, I laughed so much I wiggled.
After an hour of the park we decided to walk around "down town." The very thought of calling it "down town" made me giggle. You call this down town?
I had strong allegiances to Chicago even though I had never lived there before (I was born and bred a suburban).
Tara, who also had grown up in the suburbs of Chicago gave Spokane a better chance than I did. Dorcas grew up as an MK (Missionary kid) in Japan, so America never felt quite right from the beginning, and Suzanne grew up near Houston so she could see where I was coming from, but not completely. Suzanne pulled into a lot to park her big van. " What are you doing Suzanne?!" I said shocked. " What?" she said. " You are pulling into a parking lot? What are you a millionaire?" I sarcastically remarked. Suzanne said, "This isn't Chicago- its not going to be that much- calm down."
I couldn't believe my eyes. My lids rose inside my head causing my jaw to drop right below my knees. "$2?!!!" I screamed." Wow! Two dollars an hour." Suzanne tapped me on the shoulder while I was putting my eyes back in my head and said, " Actually I think that's for the whole day."
" WOW!" it's all I could say. Well, that and, "And they call this a city- they don't even know how to rob people blindly for parking."
Suzanne, Dorcas ( yes that's her real name), and Tara, the aforementioned roommate, decided to have a night out on the town before school started. It was the second day of orientation and these girls who just wanted to have some fun had the weekend ahead of them. Where should we go- the inevitable dilemma of foreigners. Suzanne told us to get in her big van she had driven up from Texas. The way she drove around Spokane was like she had been a cab driver there for years. I was jealous ( see Spokane Memories- Funny Story # 1). We drove to Spokane Park to get a feel for the local life.
Spokane Park is no ordinary park. Waterfalls, a carousel, bumper cars in the summer, iceskating in the winter, acres of rolling hills and green trees, a Big-Ben-esque clock tower, vendors selling t-shirts and cotton candy, a football stadium sized lake, and swans and ducks to boot. If you are ever in Spokane, go to the park- you can even ride a gondola!
We parked, got out of the van and started to explore what would become one of our favorite spots in the city. It was long after dark so most of everything was closed. I can't remember talking a whole lot, but for being with people I had just met, I laughed so much I wiggled.
After an hour of the park we decided to walk around "down town." The very thought of calling it "down town" made me giggle. You call this down town?
I had strong allegiances to Chicago even though I had never lived there before (I was born and bred a suburban).
Tara, who also had grown up in the suburbs of Chicago gave Spokane a better chance than I did. Dorcas grew up as an MK (Missionary kid) in Japan, so America never felt quite right from the beginning, and Suzanne grew up near Houston so she could see where I was coming from, but not completely. Suzanne pulled into a lot to park her big van. " What are you doing Suzanne?!" I said shocked. " What?" she said. " You are pulling into a parking lot? What are you a millionaire?" I sarcastically remarked. Suzanne said, "This isn't Chicago- its not going to be that much- calm down."
I couldn't believe my eyes. My lids rose inside my head causing my jaw to drop right below my knees. "$2?!!!" I screamed." Wow! Two dollars an hour." Suzanne tapped me on the shoulder while I was putting my eyes back in my head and said, " Actually I think that's for the whole day."
" WOW!" it's all I could say. Well, that and, "And they call this a city- they don't even know how to rob people blindly for parking."
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 1
"It is so dark in here. Where is the switch?" I felt along the wall and finally found a switch, but since I just moved in nothing was plugged in yet. I found my way to the kitchen, opened the fridge and used that light as a way to find my way to where I had put the lamps. I realized the blinds were closed once the fridge illuminated my path so I opened them for some light- but the sun was getting ready to set already.
I plugged a lamp in but I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed...I thought I HAD to get it done- I had to be ready and have my home ready. Tara, my roommate to be was coming in 2 days and I wanted as much as possible set up...
I had just gotten back from dropping my brother off in Seattle to catch a flight because he helped drive me out to this crazy place where all the roads were strange. After driving all the way cross -country, dropping all of my earthly possessions off at my new place we slept on the floor and rose early to get him to the airport. I dropped him off at SEATAC, had lunch with some cousins I hadn't seen in years and then headed right back for Spokane- another 6 hours! I managed to get my way back to my apartment somehow- I must have messed up a couple times- 7 years later I can't remember but I do remember the fresh smell of paint in the hall as I opened up the apartment.
Where to begin? I had so much to do. It was 6:3o pm and I wanted to get some groceries before it was completely dark. I grabbed my keys and my purse got in my car ready to go and I started driving.
"So...Where is a grocery store? Hmmm."
I stopped the car to think before I got too far down Shannon Rd- my street. I figured- a pretty big city- there has to be one somewhere...I'll just drive down the main drag and go a couple miles- surely I will find something! Boy was I wrong!
I drove for 20 minutes down the street and thought I saw something that resembled a grocery store so I tried to turn around but all of a sudden I was on a one way street that was separating from the street I was just on. I started heading in another direction. I looked at street signs and I was on Division, but now I was on Ruby- "How did this happen?" I turned around and tried to find my way back. Well I'll drive the other way down Indiana....I turned right and went west for a good 20 minutes. It started to get dark and all of a sudden I was driving on the edge of a road overlooking some huge river and the other side was houses. I turned around again and thought sure If I had just gone a little farther before on the other road- stuck it out a little longer, maybe I would have found something eventually- after all, it wasn't just houses- there were businesses. I turned around and before I passed my apartment again, I stopped at a gas station by my apartment and asked directions. I went in embarrassed so I looked around for something to buy so I didn't look too desperate. I asked the attendant with gum in my hand, but a nosy town's person felt like he had the authority to answer it better. It looked like he had lived in Spokane his whole life so I listened to him.
" Oh Sure sweetie- just go back the way you were headed," (Okay, how does he know where I was coming from- first scary thought. And Why did he call me sweetie? Second scary thought) ," and turn right on Nevada".
Its not too far.
"Okay thanks... " Now should I stop at another gas station where scary man who knew where I came from wasn't there, or should I trust him? So I continued up Division and it turned into a one way named Ruby again....Oh boy. I went as far as I did last time and 10 minutes further. No luck- It's 9pm! Where is the stupid store!?! I stopped again.
" Excuse me. Where is the closest grocery store? Or where is Nevada? I've been driving down this one way for ages and I can't find it. "
The lady smiled and said, " New to town?"
I'm thinking, "No, I'm pulling your leg, I know my way around Spokane I just do this for fun on Friday nights." So I said "yes."
She said, "Dear..." ( Why do people call you pet names- dear and sweetie in Spokane so much? hmmmm.) "Dear, Nevada is parallel to this street. You need to go east on the next road and you will hit Nevada."
Okay....
So I turned my car around (again- pretty soon I'm going to need one of these gas stations)
and drive all the way back to Indiana- another street I lived near where I first asked for directions. I went east on Indiana and looked for "Nevada."
I drove 3 blocks and I didn't find Nevada, but I did find a grocery store. "FINALLY Hallelujah!" So I went in shopped for the essentials- TP- Cat food, ground beef, milk, pasta noodles. I'm in the check out 30 minutes later- almost 10pm.
While in line I ask the lady," Out of curiosity Where is Nevada Rd?"
The lady looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
" Are you new in town?"
" Geesh do I have a sign on me or something? And why does everyone state the obvious around here???" I thought to myself.
She smiled at my look of curiosity at her mind blowing observation.
"Well, Honey ..." ( Here we go again)
" If you continue with this road that you are on and go 20 minutes North- this street will turn into Nevada.
She almost stepped back from the bright light illumination above my head. Ahhhh--- that man who said turn on Nevada actually meant Hamilton because they are the same road! How was I supposed to know that. As she is telling me my total I see a map of Spokane roads for sale in the tabloids! I grabbed it " This too please" She looked at me and said
" awe, Honey..."
AGGGG- what would she say if I called her 'sugar lips?'
" Put that back- I have some complementary ones right here."
" Oh, Okay...Are you sure? Thanks"
I paid my bill and went to the service desk to ask the guy how to get to 509 W. Shannon. He said- oh- its right down the street. " So I jumped into Spokane culture lingo & all..." Honey, I'm new in town...Could you write down all of it for me- even which way to turn out of the parking lot. It took me 3 hours to get here." He laughed. I frowned. He stopped laughing...
" Oh, your serious."
"Yes, I'm serious".
The paper had beautiful directions that I could actually follow! I asked nice man who laughs too much,
" And the streets you wrote down...Is Indian called Indiana all the way? And the other roads?"
" Yes mam" ( Finally no "sweetie")
I said "thank you..." I took my bags to the car and followed his directions. I was home in 7 minutes.
I made dinner at 10:45pm, starving to death, and then got busy unpacking. I didn't label anything- although everything I owned fit into my 1995 Pontiac Grand Am- so there wasn't too much. I promised myself, as soon as I find my sheets and bed spread I'm calling it quits for today. Around 1am after unpacking clothes, posters/decor and newly bought dishes and cleaning supplies, I opened the suitcase with the comforter and sheets. I put them on my bed, got my cat Cricket to snuggle even though he was still drugged from the tranquilizer for the car ride from Chicago to Spokane.
I closed the door to my room, " No place like home!"
I plugged a lamp in but I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed...I thought I HAD to get it done- I had to be ready and have my home ready. Tara, my roommate to be was coming in 2 days and I wanted as much as possible set up...
I had just gotten back from dropping my brother off in Seattle to catch a flight because he helped drive me out to this crazy place where all the roads were strange. After driving all the way cross -country, dropping all of my earthly possessions off at my new place we slept on the floor and rose early to get him to the airport. I dropped him off at SEATAC, had lunch with some cousins I hadn't seen in years and then headed right back for Spokane- another 6 hours! I managed to get my way back to my apartment somehow- I must have messed up a couple times- 7 years later I can't remember but I do remember the fresh smell of paint in the hall as I opened up the apartment.
Where to begin? I had so much to do. It was 6:3o pm and I wanted to get some groceries before it was completely dark. I grabbed my keys and my purse got in my car ready to go and I started driving.
"So...Where is a grocery store? Hmmm."
I stopped the car to think before I got too far down Shannon Rd- my street. I figured- a pretty big city- there has to be one somewhere...I'll just drive down the main drag and go a couple miles- surely I will find something! Boy was I wrong!
I drove for 20 minutes down the street and thought I saw something that resembled a grocery store so I tried to turn around but all of a sudden I was on a one way street that was separating from the street I was just on. I started heading in another direction. I looked at street signs and I was on Division, but now I was on Ruby- "How did this happen?" I turned around and tried to find my way back. Well I'll drive the other way down Indiana....I turned right and went west for a good 20 minutes. It started to get dark and all of a sudden I was driving on the edge of a road overlooking some huge river and the other side was houses. I turned around again and thought sure If I had just gone a little farther before on the other road- stuck it out a little longer, maybe I would have found something eventually- after all, it wasn't just houses- there were businesses. I turned around and before I passed my apartment again, I stopped at a gas station by my apartment and asked directions. I went in embarrassed so I looked around for something to buy so I didn't look too desperate. I asked the attendant with gum in my hand, but a nosy town's person felt like he had the authority to answer it better. It looked like he had lived in Spokane his whole life so I listened to him.
" Oh Sure sweetie- just go back the way you were headed," (Okay, how does he know where I was coming from- first scary thought. And Why did he call me sweetie? Second scary thought) ," and turn right on Nevada".
Its not too far.
"Okay thanks... " Now should I stop at another gas station where scary man who knew where I came from wasn't there, or should I trust him? So I continued up Division and it turned into a one way named Ruby again....Oh boy. I went as far as I did last time and 10 minutes further. No luck- It's 9pm! Where is the stupid store!?! I stopped again.
" Excuse me. Where is the closest grocery store? Or where is Nevada? I've been driving down this one way for ages and I can't find it. "
The lady smiled and said, " New to town?"
I'm thinking, "No, I'm pulling your leg, I know my way around Spokane I just do this for fun on Friday nights." So I said "yes."
She said, "Dear..." ( Why do people call you pet names- dear and sweetie in Spokane so much? hmmmm.) "Dear, Nevada is parallel to this street. You need to go east on the next road and you will hit Nevada."
Okay....
So I turned my car around (again- pretty soon I'm going to need one of these gas stations)
and drive all the way back to Indiana- another street I lived near where I first asked for directions. I went east on Indiana and looked for "Nevada."
I drove 3 blocks and I didn't find Nevada, but I did find a grocery store. "FINALLY Hallelujah!" So I went in shopped for the essentials- TP- Cat food, ground beef, milk, pasta noodles. I'm in the check out 30 minutes later- almost 10pm.
While in line I ask the lady," Out of curiosity Where is Nevada Rd?"
The lady looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
" Are you new in town?"
" Geesh do I have a sign on me or something? And why does everyone state the obvious around here???" I thought to myself.
She smiled at my look of curiosity at her mind blowing observation.
"Well, Honey ..." ( Here we go again)
" If you continue with this road that you are on and go 20 minutes North- this street will turn into Nevada.
She almost stepped back from the bright light illumination above my head. Ahhhh--- that man who said turn on Nevada actually meant Hamilton because they are the same road! How was I supposed to know that. As she is telling me my total I see a map of Spokane roads for sale in the tabloids! I grabbed it " This too please" She looked at me and said
" awe, Honey..."
AGGGG- what would she say if I called her 'sugar lips?'
" Put that back- I have some complementary ones right here."
" Oh, Okay...Are you sure? Thanks"
I paid my bill and went to the service desk to ask the guy how to get to 509 W. Shannon. He said- oh- its right down the street. " So I jumped into Spokane culture lingo & all..." Honey, I'm new in town...Could you write down all of it for me- even which way to turn out of the parking lot. It took me 3 hours to get here." He laughed. I frowned. He stopped laughing...
" Oh, your serious."
"Yes, I'm serious".
The paper had beautiful directions that I could actually follow! I asked nice man who laughs too much,
" And the streets you wrote down...Is Indian called Indiana all the way? And the other roads?"
" Yes mam" ( Finally no "sweetie")
I said "thank you..." I took my bags to the car and followed his directions. I was home in 7 minutes.
I made dinner at 10:45pm, starving to death, and then got busy unpacking. I didn't label anything- although everything I owned fit into my 1995 Pontiac Grand Am- so there wasn't too much. I promised myself, as soon as I find my sheets and bed spread I'm calling it quits for today. Around 1am after unpacking clothes, posters/decor and newly bought dishes and cleaning supplies, I opened the suitcase with the comforter and sheets. I put them on my bed, got my cat Cricket to snuggle even though he was still drugged from the tranquilizer for the car ride from Chicago to Spokane.
I closed the door to my room, " No place like home!"
Thursday, November 17, 2005
30 confessions
1. I love iced nonfat caramel macciatos so much I could almost rationalize spending $3.50 each day on one.
2. I like being a girl.
3. Point of Grace (the band) scares me
4. Before all the hype with all the movies, my favorite superhero was and still is Spider Man.
5. My top three (okay... 5) movies are Good Will Hunting, About Schmidt, and a tie between Garden State & Butterfly Effect and LOR trilogy
6. If I could choose any era to live in (other than today), I'd pick the reformation era.
7. I would love to have a big family...maybe 9 kids...that way no one is spoiled...including me :)
8. I hate cheese
9. One band for the rest of my life?... it would be Caedmon's Call/Derek Webb
10. I love mountains...If I had my way, I'd move to Washington or Colorado for the rest of my life.
11. I love hugs & kisses
12. Quality time is the best way to love me
13. I could eat a hambuger & fries every day...I just don't because its not good for me.
14. Out side of Scripture, Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard is the best book/novel ever- it absolutely changed my life
15. Calvinist through & through
16. Green is so beautiful
17. I am ready & wating for heaven, in all honesty.
18. The rest are soon to come.... Ohhh- I know how to keep you in suspense! :)
2. I like being a girl.
3. Point of Grace (the band) scares me
4. Before all the hype with all the movies, my favorite superhero was and still is Spider Man.
5. My top three (okay... 5) movies are Good Will Hunting, About Schmidt, and a tie between Garden State & Butterfly Effect and LOR trilogy
6. If I could choose any era to live in (other than today), I'd pick the reformation era.
7. I would love to have a big family...maybe 9 kids...that way no one is spoiled...including me :)
8. I hate cheese
9. One band for the rest of my life?... it would be Caedmon's Call/Derek Webb
10. I love mountains...If I had my way, I'd move to Washington or Colorado for the rest of my life.
11. I love hugs & kisses
12. Quality time is the best way to love me
13. I could eat a hambuger & fries every day...I just don't because its not good for me.
14. Out side of Scripture, Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard is the best book/novel ever- it absolutely changed my life
15. Calvinist through & through
16. Green is so beautiful
17. I am ready & wating for heaven, in all honesty.
18. The rest are soon to come.... Ohhh- I know how to keep you in suspense! :)
Friday, November 11, 2005
emotional music
There is something about Caedmon's Call's song "Only One-Holy One" that makes me feel heaven. Its like I put that song in and I feel immediatly brought back to the concert where I heard it performed for the first time. They made a light show/display match the emotions/words in the song as they played- The light would pulse when they played music that pulsed- and the music pulsed just as the words talk about that longing for heaven- like an inevitable bliss that is here, but not yet fully realized. When they move from earthly perspective to heavenly perspective the light begins looking down on the floor -showing all over the floor-and then all of a sudden it comes up and flashes the audience in bright light, blinding, pure white light and finally points straight up sending light everywhere on the ceiling- which spreads light all over the room. It took a lot to hold back the tears. HOW DO THEY DO IT? It is almost as if their very music is so intentional that it plays on the deep theology in every word, chord, beat and strum- it all matches. The emotions are so appropriate.
I like to drive in to work listening to Chris Tomlin- I'm not a big fan of all the new "worship waves" but Chris Tomlin has a quality about him. As I fly at 35 miles per hour on the glistening lake front of Chicago's part of Lake Michigan, I often find its the best part of my day. Its on my journey to work that I am most grabbed at how much I need Jesus- as my body wakes up, my wicked heart wakes up with it. I wish I could just let that part of me sleep in- permanently. There are some days when I know I wake it up on purpose- somedays I even shake it awake asking it to come play with my depraved mind. So these morning drives, I find are important to me-
To the left of me as I drive in are mammoth sized buildings to my right and and a crystal sea to my right. I like looking to the right much better- His mightly fingerprints are all over it- oh, Draw me Lord.
I like to drive in to work listening to Chris Tomlin- I'm not a big fan of all the new "worship waves" but Chris Tomlin has a quality about him. As I fly at 35 miles per hour on the glistening lake front of Chicago's part of Lake Michigan, I often find its the best part of my day. Its on my journey to work that I am most grabbed at how much I need Jesus- as my body wakes up, my wicked heart wakes up with it. I wish I could just let that part of me sleep in- permanently. There are some days when I know I wake it up on purpose- somedays I even shake it awake asking it to come play with my depraved mind. So these morning drives, I find are important to me-
To the left of me as I drive in are mammoth sized buildings to my right and and a crystal sea to my right. I like looking to the right much better- His mightly fingerprints are all over it- oh, Draw me Lord.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Suicide is in fashion this year
Is it just me or is taking your own life a little more common than it should be?
In March I lost a friend named Clark Stacy to this disease called suicide. I was shocked as he was popular, good looking, smart and so many other good qualities. The school was shocked, but yet not really phased. He was just a few weeks from graduation and when the students came back from spring break they heard the awful news. The institution handeled it as well as they could have...no matter how much planning you do on a "P.R." end, people's emotions and reactions can never be staged or planned. We asked why, we cried, we were angry, we cried more and then we moved on.
After my mother's death in highschool (which was not a suicide) I kept praying that the pain would never go away because I knew I would feel guilty if I allowed myself to move on no matter how supposedly healthy everyone said it would be. I was afraid that once the pain went away, it would be like she never existed and I would just be half -orphan whose life was never touched, influenced or loved by a mother.
Yesterday was July 4th, indepence day or as I called it in Highschool..."yeah America day." On the way to a famliar spot in Itasca to see fireworks (the best kept secret in the suburbs on the 4th of July) I was very near the old neighborhood I grew up in. I asked my two friends with me if they wouldn't mind if I went to go look at the old house in Bloomingdale. They said it was fine...we had plenty of time before fireworks started.
When we pulled up in front of my old house a stream of memories flooded back to me. "Mom, what is this bug with the weird horns?" "Dad, pull me behind the tractor on my cart!" Look Jeff! I'm shorter than the maple tree now!" That maple tree my mom planted the year I was born. It was a big healthy tree planed almost right in the middle of the front yard. My parents did amazing landscaping together...I think they loved each other most when they were outside in the mud making the yard look beautiful. So when we pulled up and the maple tree was only a stump and the beautiful flower garden my mom and I helped my dad maintain every year was overgrown and ugly I realized again, in one of those realization moments, that I had changed and my world had changed. My front yard was the safest place in the world to me at one point. It now looked so different that I didn't even want to keep my eyes open...I just wanted to sniff the flowers and the pines my parents planted and remember what it was like. In a moment, as my eyes were fixed shut I swore I heard little Naomi say, "Jamie, lets make mud pies and then swim in my kiddie pool!" And I thought I heard Russell and Mark yell to me to come over so we could play cops & robbers or rummycube. I could envision Aaron (who we called Arrow then later Pharoah then Aarow the Pharoah), Stephen and Vicky (who we called Perry, but I'm not sure why) in their swim suits coming back from the pool ready to explore with us.
I opened my eyes and the maple tree was still gone.
I looked over at Russell and Vicky's house and was curious to see if they still lived there... then out walks Russell. I jump out of the car and slowly walk toward him and say "Russell?" He said, "Jamie?" our faces said "Woah." He asked how I was doing and I told him I was doing well, I asked him how he was, what the "hood" was like. He said, " Oh, uh...Mark died a few weeks ago." I asked what happened and Russell told me that he was smoking rocks and he had tried to kill himself before and with the combination of other things he was taking his heart couldn't take it. My dear Mark, my heart cannot take this.
I read his obit today...even though I cried myself to sleep last night, it just became all the more real when I saw it there in black and white this morning.
I began the blame game. It's my fault, I was alwasy such a bad witness...shoving legalism down his non-saved 12 year old throat maybe turning him off to "religion" forever. I never let him just be a sinner...no back then I poked and prodded and beat that dead horse. He came to youth group for a whole summer with me despite my obvious innability to be Christ-like. He would go outside in the middle of it to smoke (at age 15 or 16). One night I told him no more smoking while we are at church, "if you do you can't come anymore!" What kind of garbage was that? That was anything but christianity! I am just sad at that person I was. I can blame myself.
I can blame the public school system. How may people have to take their own life before the good old public school system gets the hint that telling people that they descended from monkeys really destroys self worth. What a worthless existence to believe we came from sludge. To me, knowing I was created on purpose in the image of God gives me reason to believe that my life is at least worth a little something. But when you are told that your grandpa was the lead role in the Planet of the Apes it's a little hard to believe your life has value.
I can blame God, but nothing good ever comes of that, I will rather ask "why?" knowing I will never know.
I can blame forever...
So, thats two friends within a matter of 3+ months. What is going on?
In March I lost a friend named Clark Stacy to this disease called suicide. I was shocked as he was popular, good looking, smart and so many other good qualities. The school was shocked, but yet not really phased. He was just a few weeks from graduation and when the students came back from spring break they heard the awful news. The institution handeled it as well as they could have...no matter how much planning you do on a "P.R." end, people's emotions and reactions can never be staged or planned. We asked why, we cried, we were angry, we cried more and then we moved on.
After my mother's death in highschool (which was not a suicide) I kept praying that the pain would never go away because I knew I would feel guilty if I allowed myself to move on no matter how supposedly healthy everyone said it would be. I was afraid that once the pain went away, it would be like she never existed and I would just be half -orphan whose life was never touched, influenced or loved by a mother.
Yesterday was July 4th, indepence day or as I called it in Highschool..."yeah America day." On the way to a famliar spot in Itasca to see fireworks (the best kept secret in the suburbs on the 4th of July) I was very near the old neighborhood I grew up in. I asked my two friends with me if they wouldn't mind if I went to go look at the old house in Bloomingdale. They said it was fine...we had plenty of time before fireworks started.
When we pulled up in front of my old house a stream of memories flooded back to me. "Mom, what is this bug with the weird horns?" "Dad, pull me behind the tractor on my cart!" Look Jeff! I'm shorter than the maple tree now!" That maple tree my mom planted the year I was born. It was a big healthy tree planed almost right in the middle of the front yard. My parents did amazing landscaping together...I think they loved each other most when they were outside in the mud making the yard look beautiful. So when we pulled up and the maple tree was only a stump and the beautiful flower garden my mom and I helped my dad maintain every year was overgrown and ugly I realized again, in one of those realization moments, that I had changed and my world had changed. My front yard was the safest place in the world to me at one point. It now looked so different that I didn't even want to keep my eyes open...I just wanted to sniff the flowers and the pines my parents planted and remember what it was like. In a moment, as my eyes were fixed shut I swore I heard little Naomi say, "Jamie, lets make mud pies and then swim in my kiddie pool!" And I thought I heard Russell and Mark yell to me to come over so we could play cops & robbers or rummycube. I could envision Aaron (who we called Arrow then later Pharoah then Aarow the Pharoah), Stephen and Vicky (who we called Perry, but I'm not sure why) in their swim suits coming back from the pool ready to explore with us.
I opened my eyes and the maple tree was still gone.
I looked over at Russell and Vicky's house and was curious to see if they still lived there... then out walks Russell. I jump out of the car and slowly walk toward him and say "Russell?" He said, "Jamie?" our faces said "Woah." He asked how I was doing and I told him I was doing well, I asked him how he was, what the "hood" was like. He said, " Oh, uh...Mark died a few weeks ago." I asked what happened and Russell told me that he was smoking rocks and he had tried to kill himself before and with the combination of other things he was taking his heart couldn't take it. My dear Mark, my heart cannot take this.
I read his obit today...even though I cried myself to sleep last night, it just became all the more real when I saw it there in black and white this morning.
I began the blame game. It's my fault, I was alwasy such a bad witness...shoving legalism down his non-saved 12 year old throat maybe turning him off to "religion" forever. I never let him just be a sinner...no back then I poked and prodded and beat that dead horse. He came to youth group for a whole summer with me despite my obvious innability to be Christ-like. He would go outside in the middle of it to smoke (at age 15 or 16). One night I told him no more smoking while we are at church, "if you do you can't come anymore!" What kind of garbage was that? That was anything but christianity! I am just sad at that person I was. I can blame myself.
I can blame the public school system. How may people have to take their own life before the good old public school system gets the hint that telling people that they descended from monkeys really destroys self worth. What a worthless existence to believe we came from sludge. To me, knowing I was created on purpose in the image of God gives me reason to believe that my life is at least worth a little something. But when you are told that your grandpa was the lead role in the Planet of the Apes it's a little hard to believe your life has value.
I can blame God, but nothing good ever comes of that, I will rather ask "why?" knowing I will never know.
I can blame forever...
So, thats two friends within a matter of 3+ months. What is going on?
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Godly Femininity
Im reading Captivating right now by John & Stacy Eldredge If any of you out there know me, you're tilting your head sideways saying " is this really Jamie?" Yes, I'm reading one of those books. I have to say, it's bringing up a lot of issues I've thought about myself. I recommend that men read this book.
I wonder sometimes if life is really this formulaic...they say its not a "ten step" book, but advice is given and it flows logical. It also gives you practical things to do. So, their aren't numbers per say, but at least its disguised well!
A good...no a great guy friend of mine told me that he is just looking for a big sweetheart. I thought to myself, well good luck, because sweethearts are those girls that have never had anything crappy happen to them...you know the kind of crap that just kicks the sweetness right out of you. It made me wonder...here is this pretty normal guy, do all men want this? Does every man want a sweetheart? I'm sorry then. I've been scarred in every area of life and reality is just too real.
Maybe I'm just equating "being sweet" to naivete. Maybe I don't see the sweetness in me and when I try it's like sweet and low...that fake stuff that just doesn't taste the same.
But deep down inside I'm that little girl that wants a handsome prince to come "rescue" me. I want a man that can show me a thing or two about theology. I want a man who will not be passive and step up and take the role as leader. I want a guy who isn't afraid of my less than smooth past and can see the beauty it's made me. I may not win optimist of the year, but I don't feel like I'm all that hard.
Just treat me like woman and then maybe I'll respond like a woman. You know, open doors...pay the tax for food when you are just splitting the bill...give me your hand when I'm scared...push my hair from my eyes when I cry and ask whats wrong... offer your jacket when I'm cold and don't take no for an answer. And yes, all these things are and can be done by guys who are "just friends."
I'm not mad at my guy friend, I actually feel like a better person when I'm with him...I feel feminine.
His tenderhearted masculinity and strength draws upon my hidden & suppressed femininity. It's slowly coming out. I'm so thankful for my friend. God is using His body to help me become who he designed me to be.
At the same time I wonder too how these trials I've gone through have defined me to an extent but also really helped make me into the person God wants me to be.
I wonder sometimes if life is really this formulaic...they say its not a "ten step" book, but advice is given and it flows logical. It also gives you practical things to do. So, their aren't numbers per say, but at least its disguised well!
A good...no a great guy friend of mine told me that he is just looking for a big sweetheart. I thought to myself, well good luck, because sweethearts are those girls that have never had anything crappy happen to them...you know the kind of crap that just kicks the sweetness right out of you. It made me wonder...here is this pretty normal guy, do all men want this? Does every man want a sweetheart? I'm sorry then. I've been scarred in every area of life and reality is just too real.
Maybe I'm just equating "being sweet" to naivete. Maybe I don't see the sweetness in me and when I try it's like sweet and low...that fake stuff that just doesn't taste the same.
But deep down inside I'm that little girl that wants a handsome prince to come "rescue" me. I want a man that can show me a thing or two about theology. I want a man who will not be passive and step up and take the role as leader. I want a guy who isn't afraid of my less than smooth past and can see the beauty it's made me. I may not win optimist of the year, but I don't feel like I'm all that hard.
Just treat me like woman and then maybe I'll respond like a woman. You know, open doors...pay the tax for food when you are just splitting the bill...give me your hand when I'm scared...push my hair from my eyes when I cry and ask whats wrong... offer your jacket when I'm cold and don't take no for an answer. And yes, all these things are and can be done by guys who are "just friends."
I'm not mad at my guy friend, I actually feel like a better person when I'm with him...I feel feminine.
His tenderhearted masculinity and strength draws upon my hidden & suppressed femininity. It's slowly coming out. I'm so thankful for my friend. God is using His body to help me become who he designed me to be.
At the same time I wonder too how these trials I've gone through have defined me to an extent but also really helped make me into the person God wants me to be.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
So, blog, blog blog...
The city has gotten to me.
I woke up one day and realized I live in Chicago...the 3rd or 4th largest city in the United States. After 5 years it finally hit me. Many people would never dream of ever living in some place as big as this and some people do dream of it, but never gather up the courage to pack thier bags and go. How did I get here?
School in the city is different. It's like you don't even live there, you're just a separate entity inside of something bigger- like D.C. and Maryland. D.C. isn't Maryland, but surrounded mostly by it. Then you get out of school and most of your friends leave. You learn what the word alone means. Then you adjust, you get new friends, you move on. I've been moving on for 2 years now. Everything seems glamourous again: the night lights shining on Lake Michigan are brilliant, the ferris wheel is fun again and not something I've done 200 times, getting ice cream on a warm summer night brings the same excitement as when I was eight.
The sirens are like a nice lullaby at night-time now; its hard to fall asleep in complete quiet. Walking around drunk people on Saturday night is normal. Chicago is home.
The city has gotten to me.
I woke up one day and realized I live in Chicago...the 3rd or 4th largest city in the United States. After 5 years it finally hit me. Many people would never dream of ever living in some place as big as this and some people do dream of it, but never gather up the courage to pack thier bags and go. How did I get here?
School in the city is different. It's like you don't even live there, you're just a separate entity inside of something bigger- like D.C. and Maryland. D.C. isn't Maryland, but surrounded mostly by it. Then you get out of school and most of your friends leave. You learn what the word alone means. Then you adjust, you get new friends, you move on. I've been moving on for 2 years now. Everything seems glamourous again: the night lights shining on Lake Michigan are brilliant, the ferris wheel is fun again and not something I've done 200 times, getting ice cream on a warm summer night brings the same excitement as when I was eight.
The sirens are like a nice lullaby at night-time now; its hard to fall asleep in complete quiet. Walking around drunk people on Saturday night is normal. Chicago is home.
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