Godly Femininity

Im reading Captivating right now by John & Stacy Eldredge If any of you out there know me, you're tilting your head sideways saying " is this really Jamie?" Yes, I'm reading one of those books. I have to say, it's bringing up a lot of issues I've thought about myself. I recommend that men read this book.

I wonder sometimes if life is really this formulaic...they say its not a "ten step" book, but advice is given and it flows logical. It also gives you practical things to do. So, their aren't numbers per say, but at least its disguised well!

A good...no a great guy friend of mine told me that he is just looking for a big sweetheart. I thought to myself, well good luck, because sweethearts are those girls that have never had anything crappy happen to them...you know the kind of crap that just kicks the sweetness right out of you. It made me wonder...here is this pretty normal guy, do all men want this? Does every man want a sweetheart? I'm sorry then. I've been scarred in every area of life and reality is just too real.

Maybe I'm just equating "being sweet" to naivete. Maybe I don't see the sweetness in me and when I try it's like sweet and low...that fake stuff that just doesn't taste the same.

But deep down inside I'm that little girl that wants a handsome prince to come "rescue" me. I want a man that can show me a thing or two about theology. I want a man who will not be passive and step up and take the role as leader. I want a guy who isn't afraid of my less than smooth past and can see the beauty it's made me. I may not win optimist of the year, but I don't feel like I'm all that hard.

Just treat me like woman and then maybe I'll respond like a woman. You know, open doors...pay the tax for food when you are just splitting the bill...give me your hand when I'm scared...push my hair from my eyes when I cry and ask whats wrong... offer your jacket when I'm cold and don't take no for an answer. And yes, all these things are and can be done by guys who are "just friends."

I'm not mad at my guy friend, I actually feel like a better person when I'm with him...I feel feminine.
His tenderhearted masculinity and strength draws upon my hidden & suppressed femininity. It's slowly coming out. I'm so thankful for my friend. God is using His body to help me become who he designed me to be.

At the same time I wonder too how these trials I've gone through have defined me to an extent but also really helped make me into the person God wants me to be.