Memories of Spokane- Serious Story # 2

For all you Calvinists out there...

I grew up in an Evangelical free church so doctrine was never pushed- I had no idea there were so many things that Christians disagreed on until I got to my freshman year in High School in an interterm class called Calvinism vs Arminianism. Basically my understanding that came from my parents was neither guy was right and you had to take from both. So what do you think I did as a confused 13 year old hearing doctrine for the first time? I believed everything my parents said. Then came my Systematic Theology class senior year ( 3 years after my calvinism/Arminism class) of High School (If you haven't guessed by now I went to a private Christian school). There I heard all these big words I had heard in that class that seemed as far back as the flood. We had to read about 800 pages in a semester. This was by far the most reading I had ever done for one class and I was still in high school. I accepted the challenge and began to really learn. My teacher, Mr Euler, was a Calvinist to the marrow. Mr Euler (who was the same one I had for that other class) had so many good arguments but something didn't settle well. I knew I cared about what I believed, but I still was going more toward Arminianism- other than the fact that it included the idea that you could lose your salvation- and I knew I didn't believe that- so it left me in this stumped phase.

I wrote my final theology paper with ease- like spreading room temperature butter on soft bread. And then I hit a theological deer on the road to my A. The next thing on my outline? "SOTERIOLOGY." I felt as if I were making a life or death decision- like what I wrote would be the determining factor to who I would be, how I would worship, who I would be friends with, where I would go to college and how I would interact with the world. In a way it's true- your theology affects the way you think, worship and interact with God. My final conclusion was that it had to be a little of both, because otherwise it didn't make "sense".

Fast forward about or 5 months and I'm in Spokane, in Old Testament Survey class. Again, I was confronted with this very important question. It was showing its confrontational head in more than the New Testament and in more than my theology classes.

I went to Brandon and Kenny's apartment quite often and this night I write about was like many others. It was October I believe. Kenny was at work and so there I was with Brandon hanging out and talking. Usual course of the night- Brandon got off work around 6 or 7...I would come over and hang out and talk or go for a drive with him. We'd get back to his place and wait for Kenny to get off work and then decide where to go for a while- usually Sheri's or Denny's until 1 or 2 in the morning.

Brandon grew up Presbyterian, so he heard doctrinal jargon and knew how to speak and talk about it. After my class I felt equipped to hold these deep conversations with him. We had chatted quite frequently. I enjoyed our ( Brandon and my) conversations on theology and he challenged me frequently. He told me often he liked talking to me because most girls at our age didn't care or didn't know how to talk about and usually didn't want to. I always felt so special when Brandon would open up to me about these things. This particular evening, Brandon was reading through Romans when I got to his place and he started up a conversation off the bat. I started to get it. Caedmon's Call was on in the background and the song "Thankful" came on. I said, "I don't know if I like this song." I asked Brandon why this was so hard for me, why I couldn't see it so black and white like he did. He told me, " Jamie, You have to throw off the old man- you have to know that if Christ hasn't done EVERYTHING for you then your faith isn't faith in God, its faith in yourself. Belief is a work- if you were saved by your own faith, then you would be able to be doing a good thing and in reality salvation would be there for you partly because of your belief." I started to tear up. Brandon was not the emotional type so he said "Come here Jamie. I want you to sit here and read through Romans 9-11 as long as it takes. I am so tired so I'm going to go in my room, close the door and go to bed." He paused and then looked me in the eyes as he turned around from walking toward his door, and here is classic Brandon, " Wake me up when you are a Calvinist."

I laughed...he kept walking...I sat there in disbelief of the situation. Blinking my eyes really hard, I stared at his closed bedroom door thinking, "for real?"

So with nothing else to do I looked down, laughed to myself, and started to read Romans 9-11. I read it two times and a rush of things my theology teacher and Brandon said were coming back to me as I hit certain verses. I found myself cross referencing with Romans 3, portions of Isaiah and following passages all over the Bible. By the end of the 3rd time through I believed it. I couldn't deny it anymore. I woke Brandon up and he came out and smiled and hugged me. I had tears running down my face. Kenny walked in at that moment, still in his apron from Perkins and asked what was going on- why are you crying?

Brandon spoke up, " Lets go out and celebrate. Jamie is theologically free." Kenny looked at me, " Romans 9-11?" I smiled and shook my head yes. "Yeah, that's how he got me too," Kenny responded while putting his arm around me.

We wound up at a Perkins different from the one Kenny worked at and talked about God. We had a Bible study and talked about how good God is- to love us and persue us despite our inability, lack of desire or utter depravity to love him back without his gracious hand causing us to do so.

"So I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own... So what part can I play in the work of redemption, I can't refuse and I cannot add a thing..."
~ Caedmon's Call