Goodbyes Are Hard

Any one who knows me knows that I have a hard time saying goodbye. Recently one of my best friends, Bekah, moved to Vienna, Austria and at her goodbye "party" you'd think I was at a funeral from the look on my face. A few days later my other good friend, Jenni, was with me getting ready to meet Bekah at her parents house to take her to the airport. Jenni made Bekah a mix CD...My tears became uncontrollable as we approached Bekah's house and "Friends" played. Songs that were normally jokes to listen to became sentimental and meaningful.

I had known this girl for 13 years (More than half my life) and it all just seemed too short.

Right before Bekah left at the end of the summer I had a string of other goodbyes. Friends that graduated from college that still lived in Chicago left and others who graduated when I did also left Chicago after living here for 2 or 3 years post graduation- one being my accountability partner. My friend Emily moved back to 'consin to live in Janesville near her sister- it wound up working out for her okay- she 's getting married to a Jansvillian in September. She was the person I could say anything to and it wouldn't shock her- she just listens and cares- good for a laugh that will make you pee your pants too!

Another amazing friend, Chris left for the 10/40 window last August- and even though she lived in Washington, it kills me that I can't call her whenever I want on my cell and it also kills me that when she can call me, we have to use code language on the phone and never say "Missions" or "Jesus" in case a line is tapped. Its like we can't even be ourselves.

I said goodbye to Spokane last November and the people there- its not to say that I won't ever go back, but I was finally able to say goodbye...Does that make sense?

This summer one of my exes who I finally was able to re-establish (Although we weren't really friends before we dated so I don't know all the rules on what to say here) a friendship with moved to Texas and if the other 2 exes move there any time soon, my life will have officially become a country song (All my Exes Live in Texas).

Brian who is one of the "3" to me ( Jesus had his large crowds, his 12 and then his 3 closest friends-Peter ,James and John then his one , John--) had to go home this summer in Kansas City. I miss being able to see him and phone time is limited since our schedules really clash this summer- At least he is coming back in August.

One of our pastors final Sundays was yesterday. He taught my internship program at church, helped me dissect covenental theology, and helped me with the whole missions board process.

Finally, last night I drove all the way out to Wheeling, in Chicago traffic @ 4:45pm to say goodbye to one of my childhood friends. You could say Justin was my first "love" ( if you can love at 13). He and I would write 10 page letters in Junior High back and forth to each other as if paper were going out of style. He wrote so small too- my parents loved it because how often do you really see kids writing a lot? Starting in 7th grade he'd call me every month or so- back in the stone age before cell phones. It cost lots of money to make a call to Moline in 1994. I don't know how it started but he'd call me every Christmas around 9pm for three years straight too. Then Sophomore year we didn't speak too much but after three or four months of silence between us I didn't expect him to call. My family was all sitting around oogling at everyone's brand new gifts and about 9:30 the phone rang. I popped up to grab it thinking it was Jenni or a relative. It was Justin! He said something like, "It just seemed really normal to call you today." We talked for over an hour. When my mom died January of my junior year Justin was one of the first people I called because I'd knew he'd say "That sucks." Instead of the "How are you doing?" automatic response. We all went to college and separated ways until one day my sophomore year I heard through the grapevine that Justin was going to Trinity, less than an hour away. I called the switch board and asked to be transferred to his room. His roommate answered the phone and I asked to speak to Justin. He said he was down in the dining hall and asked to take a message. I responded, " Yes, please make sure to tell him Jamie Stowell called...If you don't give him my last name he may not know who this is because we haven't seen each other in years." His roommate was cool and told me he'd pass on the message.

Apparently his roommate was on his way down to the dining hall and sat down as Justin was finishing up his corn. He said to Justin, " Oh Justin, a Jamie Stowell called for you" Justin spit out his corn and said, "Did you get her number?" His roommate responded positively and Justin left his stuff and ran up stairs. Within five minutes of calling him Justin called me back! We made plans to meet up that week and it was so much fun. We did that one or two more times and then summer hit and we lost contact when he went home again.

I met Justin because of this thing called Bible Quizzing. It's a way for teens to compete over Scripture memory-that's the easiest way to explain it. He was on Moline, I was on Itasca and we also had friends on other teams. Once a month during the school year our churches would meet somewhere and then "Quiz" over the material we learned. This was one of the best parts about growing up- I loved Bible Quizzing- as nerdy as it may sound.

After High schoool you don't really quiz, but you can coach- but most of my friends were gone as I coached a few times in college. After Junior year I switched e-mails and I no longer received the e-mails about Quiz Invitationals- it became out of sight, out of mind.

Then Kari, a good friend from the Wheaton team e-mailed all of us again a couple months ago- Justin, Dave ( another Moline guy) Jenni, Greg, Seth (All from the team I quizzed with in Itasca) as well as a few from her team in Wheaton and asked if everyone wanted to meet up at the next quiz meet, "Quiz Master" (the person who functions as ref and question asker) and then go out to dinner and catch up at Laura's house (Laura was also from the Wheaton team). So, about 4 months ago we did- and it was so much fun. Later I had everyone over at my place for dinner and games and we again had a great time. Just as we are all getting reacquainted Justin handed out directions to his place for a "moving party." He was leaving.

Justin got accepted to a law school out in Nebraska and he and his wife moved yesterday. It was weird saying goodbye again. After all the goodbyes start to culminate it becomes overwhelming. Oddly enough, there has been enough time apart that it didn't make me cry to say goodbye and get that final hug. I thought I'd be a mess of mascara by the end, but I didn't even cry on the way home. However, it was hitting me on the way home that my life will all be a series of goodbyes- some will come sooner than others and in ways you never expected- some goodbyes will seem textbook.

When I get on that plane to Australia I will be saying goodbye to a lot of things. My home- I've lived in Illinois my whole life minus one year. I will be saying goodbye to my family. I will be saying by to familiarity. I will be saying goodbye to friends. I will be saying goodbye to my church. I will be saying goodbye to so much. But I am ready to embrace it- why? Because God has promised so much to his children and he has been so faithful in the past- and seeing how he has been so faithful causes to to put my hope in His faithfulness to me in the future. Life has been an adventure so far.

Every single person listed has shaped me into something different than I would have been had they not been in my life. Goodbyes are hard but every goodbye is worth it for having known how different my life is because of them.

Some say this is good preparation for the mission field. Life will be continuous goodbyes.
Some say this is good preparation for heaven- This world is not my home, just a big waiting room where I can take full advantage of the love, mercy, and grace of God- for when I get there I will see fully who I am to God and who He is. This life is full of faith and hope and love, but as Andrew Peterson says so beautifully- Heaven will only be full of love because the faith and the hope will be realized and no longer necessary. Only love will remain.

WOW.