I hesitate telling this story because it is so close to my heart- its like a little secret I have- or rather a memory I hold that I can see so perfectly- as if it was still happening- that I wanted to nurture it and keep it safe- so no one could take my memory, read it and distort it to something in their own mind other than what it really was. I can't capture it in words because it was such a beautiful time- something I don't think I'll ever have again. People who weren't there just don't know. Some people who were there don't want to remember it because it just was that pure that it's so hard to concentrate on life if you remember it. Others who were there will remember it and get lost in the retelling, knowing again, words just don't do it justice and no amount of any planning could recapture and show again what happened there in that alley. I'm am eternally connected to the people who are a part of the memory- no matter how far away they get or what argument may arise- these people were part of what I can only call "true community."
When the six of us sat down on the cold concrete our behinds were chilled. We all pulled out coats down a little so we were sitting on some padding and to help make the concrete not so cold. I think we all knew something was happening to us that would make us forever changed and this might take a while, as most changes do.
To set more of a tone, here is a song by Caedmon's Call that touches on a little of what we all knew and felt:
"A New Day"
I can feel it in the darkness of the night
I can feel it in the breaking of the dawn
I can see it in the setting of the sun
A New Day is coming
I can almost hear the angel's choir
As the coldest hearts are being set on fire
What has been destroyed will be rising even higher
A New Day is coming
At the end of the darkness
We'll burn these chains
And we will never be the same
We will be free
We will be free
All our tears will be swept into the sea
And we will be free
Free to find Your glory in our dreams
To love and serve our God & family
The full being of who we were meant to be
A New Day is coming
A Day when the sun shines on the truth
And the Old man is changed into the new
Yes the old is changed into the new
A New Day is coming!
At the end of the darkness
We'll burn these chains
And we will never be the same
We will be free
We will be free
All our fears will be swept into the sea
And we will be free
We will follow
we will follow-
Wherever you lead
We will be free.....
Right before we found our way to an alley, we had started walking places we had been before with a couple guitars. Summer was ending so we were accustomed to singing outside in the park or in the school parking lot or on Derek & Marty's porch. Even though it was cold we decided to head out again hoping to find somewhere to sing again. We were in denial that the warm summer nights were gone.
As we exited the guy's place we were silent. That verse about the spirit resonating with in us was true for us in a way more real than any other night we had gone out to do the same. The closest place we saw was this small ( by small I mean about an arms width wide and 10 feet long). So we walked into that alley and sat down. Derek and Marty broke out their guitars and started to play. We were still quiet. The light from the moon was shining right down into that little crevice so we could see each others faces. We began to praise God through song. Kenny took Derek's guitar and taught us a new song that he often called his life's theme song. Then as Marty and Kenny played, the music got quiet and Marty just started praying. He asked for forgiveness for specific sins in front of all of us as he prayed. Tears came to him. Kenny and then Derek prayed for forgiveness for their specific sins and praised the God who forgives. Chrissy and Sarah and I all followed suit. As we prayed, we prayed to God as if no one else was listening but God- there was trust among us and the spirit within us.
In between each person praying we would sing a song and praise God for his grace. I had never ever been apart of people that vulnerable before. We shared stories on how God was specifically working that year in us. I didn't have to hide my sin, or even hide in my sin because others were so willing to let the light of grace shine in our dark hearts. We sang more after our time on prayer and confession.
Someone prayed one last time and we knew that it was time to head home. Four hours had passed and it only seemed like 15 minutes.
I think I realized that even though I wanted to recreate that night it was something that I never created to begin with. The spirit moved in the six of us to draw us to the cross, purge us of sin, renew our relationship to Christ and bring us closer to the people we shared that night with.
I know this may sound crazy, but I think that night was a glimpse into the purity and community in heaven.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Memories From Spokane-Funny Story # 8
I was a Friday night and all the regulars were hanging out again. Truth be told, without these people I wouldn't have been nearly as ambitious to follow through with crazy ideas.
We couldn't help but stay outside. It was a cool, crisp evening and the promise of fall was coming to us. Around 8 or 9 pm I think it was Josh who said, "We should sleep outside tonight." Going out of the area to find a campsite at that hour was kinda out of question. It would take forever to get everything together to arrange a spur of the moment trip. But one thing we did have, well two things: the will to do it and the land at our footsteps.
Asking the Kisman's if it would be okay if we slept outside under the stars inbetween their house and the Shuppe's place was the next thing to get okayed. They said we could as long as we faced the church parking lot because if anyone drove by on the street and saw us it was like were were basically asking to get messed with. If we slept facing the church parking lot there was a fence that prevented any drivers from seeing beyond it.
There were I think 8 of us the first time. We all borrowed blankets from the Kismans so we wouldn't have to go home and they had some tarps for us to put on the grass so we wouldn't feel like bugs were on us- it helped with the dew factor too.
Around midnight we called Pizza Pipeline- your line to pizza 24 hours a day in Spokane. It's that nasty greasy pizza you really miss when you don't have it around anymore. We aksed them to deliver to the Kisman's address and then we said, "And could you take it around back to the parking lot?" "To the parking lot?!?" the pizza guy said suspiciously as if were were drug dealers that just happened to get hungry and willing to wait around long enough for gross pizza.
About 40 minutes later, sure enough a little kia drove to the back of the church and flahed their lights in our eyes. Derek got up to go get the pizza from the delivery guy. The delivery kid said, "Hey I get off in 2 hours, room for one more?" We said "Sure!" But he never came back. Pizza guy, if you are reading this, We wish you would have come back.
That night we laid there, looking at the stars and talking until all hours of the night. It was still that time of year that it was cold at night but hot during the day. I was one of the last ones to wake up. As I turned my head upward, toward the sun, I felt the heat of the day on my face and felt like I was in a sauna. My head was previously burried face down under the sleeping bag and in a pillow so I didn't get a chance to wake up from the sun. So when I rolled over I woke up from the bright light. I was wearing socks and sweat pants and a long sleeved T and a sweatshirt and a hat.
I looked around trying to remember where I was (like when you sleep somewhere new for the first time and you have to get your barrings). I stretched out my legs and arms as far as I could and while I rubbed my eyes I looked around and I realized I was right next to Derek who was also asleep. Everyone else was already up! I looked at my watch and it was 11am! I got up and gathered my blankets calling to Derek to wake up and when I looked out into the parking lot there was everyone, showered and just hangin' out side. I went inside and I showered as well. Then Derek finally woke up and then we all watched a movie and hung out at the park.
Looking back at life as a student in Spokane, it was just so enjoyable and relaxed. No agendas, no real cliques to speak of, just friendship and what seemed like all the time in the world. I long for people to be silly and open and agenda-less with again. I long for falls that last and I long for Spokane.
We couldn't help but stay outside. It was a cool, crisp evening and the promise of fall was coming to us. Around 8 or 9 pm I think it was Josh who said, "We should sleep outside tonight." Going out of the area to find a campsite at that hour was kinda out of question. It would take forever to get everything together to arrange a spur of the moment trip. But one thing we did have, well two things: the will to do it and the land at our footsteps.
Asking the Kisman's if it would be okay if we slept outside under the stars inbetween their house and the Shuppe's place was the next thing to get okayed. They said we could as long as we faced the church parking lot because if anyone drove by on the street and saw us it was like were were basically asking to get messed with. If we slept facing the church parking lot there was a fence that prevented any drivers from seeing beyond it.
There were I think 8 of us the first time. We all borrowed blankets from the Kismans so we wouldn't have to go home and they had some tarps for us to put on the grass so we wouldn't feel like bugs were on us- it helped with the dew factor too.
Around midnight we called Pizza Pipeline- your line to pizza 24 hours a day in Spokane. It's that nasty greasy pizza you really miss when you don't have it around anymore. We aksed them to deliver to the Kisman's address and then we said, "And could you take it around back to the parking lot?" "To the parking lot?!?" the pizza guy said suspiciously as if were were drug dealers that just happened to get hungry and willing to wait around long enough for gross pizza.
About 40 minutes later, sure enough a little kia drove to the back of the church and flahed their lights in our eyes. Derek got up to go get the pizza from the delivery guy. The delivery kid said, "Hey I get off in 2 hours, room for one more?" We said "Sure!" But he never came back. Pizza guy, if you are reading this, We wish you would have come back.
That night we laid there, looking at the stars and talking until all hours of the night. It was still that time of year that it was cold at night but hot during the day. I was one of the last ones to wake up. As I turned my head upward, toward the sun, I felt the heat of the day on my face and felt like I was in a sauna. My head was previously burried face down under the sleeping bag and in a pillow so I didn't get a chance to wake up from the sun. So when I rolled over I woke up from the bright light. I was wearing socks and sweat pants and a long sleeved T and a sweatshirt and a hat.
I looked around trying to remember where I was (like when you sleep somewhere new for the first time and you have to get your barrings). I stretched out my legs and arms as far as I could and while I rubbed my eyes I looked around and I realized I was right next to Derek who was also asleep. Everyone else was already up! I looked at my watch and it was 11am! I got up and gathered my blankets calling to Derek to wake up and when I looked out into the parking lot there was everyone, showered and just hangin' out side. I went inside and I showered as well. Then Derek finally woke up and then we all watched a movie and hung out at the park.
Looking back at life as a student in Spokane, it was just so enjoyable and relaxed. No agendas, no real cliques to speak of, just friendship and what seemed like all the time in the world. I long for people to be silly and open and agenda-less with again. I long for falls that last and I long for Spokane.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Goodbyes Are Hard
Any one who knows me knows that I have a hard time saying goodbye. Recently one of my best friends, Bekah, moved to Vienna, Austria and at her goodbye "party" you'd think I was at a funeral from the look on my face. A few days later my other good friend, Jenni, was with me getting ready to meet Bekah at her parents house to take her to the airport. Jenni made Bekah a mix CD...My tears became uncontrollable as we approached Bekah's house and "Friends" played. Songs that were normally jokes to listen to became sentimental and meaningful.
I had known this girl for 13 years (More than half my life) and it all just seemed too short.
Right before Bekah left at the end of the summer I had a string of other goodbyes. Friends that graduated from college that still lived in Chicago left and others who graduated when I did also left Chicago after living here for 2 or 3 years post graduation- one being my accountability partner. My friend Emily moved back to 'consin to live in Janesville near her sister- it wound up working out for her okay- she 's getting married to a Jansvillian in September. She was the person I could say anything to and it wouldn't shock her- she just listens and cares- good for a laugh that will make you pee your pants too!
Another amazing friend, Chris left for the 10/40 window last August- and even though she lived in Washington, it kills me that I can't call her whenever I want on my cell and it also kills me that when she can call me, we have to use code language on the phone and never say "Missions" or "Jesus" in case a line is tapped. Its like we can't even be ourselves.
I said goodbye to Spokane last November and the people there- its not to say that I won't ever go back, but I was finally able to say goodbye...Does that make sense?
This summer one of my exes who I finally was able to re-establish (Although we weren't really friends before we dated so I don't know all the rules on what to say here) a friendship with moved to Texas and if the other 2 exes move there any time soon, my life will have officially become a country song (All my Exes Live in Texas).
Brian who is one of the "3" to me ( Jesus had his large crowds, his 12 and then his 3 closest friends-Peter ,James and John then his one , John--) had to go home this summer in Kansas City. I miss being able to see him and phone time is limited since our schedules really clash this summer- At least he is coming back in August.
One of our pastors final Sundays was yesterday. He taught my internship program at church, helped me dissect covenental theology, and helped me with the whole missions board process.
Finally, last night I drove all the way out to Wheeling, in Chicago traffic @ 4:45pm to say goodbye to one of my childhood friends. You could say Justin was my first "love" ( if you can love at 13). He and I would write 10 page letters in Junior High back and forth to each other as if paper were going out of style. He wrote so small too- my parents loved it because how often do you really see kids writing a lot? Starting in 7th grade he'd call me every month or so- back in the stone age before cell phones. It cost lots of money to make a call to Moline in 1994. I don't know how it started but he'd call me every Christmas around 9pm for three years straight too. Then Sophomore year we didn't speak too much but after three or four months of silence between us I didn't expect him to call. My family was all sitting around oogling at everyone's brand new gifts and about 9:30 the phone rang. I popped up to grab it thinking it was Jenni or a relative. It was Justin! He said something like, "It just seemed really normal to call you today." We talked for over an hour. When my mom died January of my junior year Justin was one of the first people I called because I'd knew he'd say "That sucks." Instead of the "How are you doing?" automatic response. We all went to college and separated ways until one day my sophomore year I heard through the grapevine that Justin was going to Trinity, less than an hour away. I called the switch board and asked to be transferred to his room. His roommate answered the phone and I asked to speak to Justin. He said he was down in the dining hall and asked to take a message. I responded, " Yes, please make sure to tell him Jamie Stowell called...If you don't give him my last name he may not know who this is because we haven't seen each other in years." His roommate was cool and told me he'd pass on the message.
Apparently his roommate was on his way down to the dining hall and sat down as Justin was finishing up his corn. He said to Justin, " Oh Justin, a Jamie Stowell called for you" Justin spit out his corn and said, "Did you get her number?" His roommate responded positively and Justin left his stuff and ran up stairs. Within five minutes of calling him Justin called me back! We made plans to meet up that week and it was so much fun. We did that one or two more times and then summer hit and we lost contact when he went home again.
I met Justin because of this thing called Bible Quizzing. It's a way for teens to compete over Scripture memory-that's the easiest way to explain it. He was on Moline, I was on Itasca and we also had friends on other teams. Once a month during the school year our churches would meet somewhere and then "Quiz" over the material we learned. This was one of the best parts about growing up- I loved Bible Quizzing- as nerdy as it may sound.
After High schoool you don't really quiz, but you can coach- but most of my friends were gone as I coached a few times in college. After Junior year I switched e-mails and I no longer received the e-mails about Quiz Invitationals- it became out of sight, out of mind.
Then Kari, a good friend from the Wheaton team e-mailed all of us again a couple months ago- Justin, Dave ( another Moline guy) Jenni, Greg, Seth (All from the team I quizzed with in Itasca) as well as a few from her team in Wheaton and asked if everyone wanted to meet up at the next quiz meet, "Quiz Master" (the person who functions as ref and question asker) and then go out to dinner and catch up at Laura's house (Laura was also from the Wheaton team). So, about 4 months ago we did- and it was so much fun. Later I had everyone over at my place for dinner and games and we again had a great time. Just as we are all getting reacquainted Justin handed out directions to his place for a "moving party." He was leaving.
Justin got accepted to a law school out in Nebraska and he and his wife moved yesterday. It was weird saying goodbye again. After all the goodbyes start to culminate it becomes overwhelming. Oddly enough, there has been enough time apart that it didn't make me cry to say goodbye and get that final hug. I thought I'd be a mess of mascara by the end, but I didn't even cry on the way home. However, it was hitting me on the way home that my life will all be a series of goodbyes- some will come sooner than others and in ways you never expected- some goodbyes will seem textbook.
When I get on that plane to Australia I will be saying goodbye to a lot of things. My home- I've lived in Illinois my whole life minus one year. I will be saying goodbye to my family. I will be saying by to familiarity. I will be saying goodbye to friends. I will be saying goodbye to my church. I will be saying goodbye to so much. But I am ready to embrace it- why? Because God has promised so much to his children and he has been so faithful in the past- and seeing how he has been so faithful causes to to put my hope in His faithfulness to me in the future. Life has been an adventure so far.
Every single person listed has shaped me into something different than I would have been had they not been in my life. Goodbyes are hard but every goodbye is worth it for having known how different my life is because of them.
Some say this is good preparation for the mission field. Life will be continuous goodbyes.
Some say this is good preparation for heaven- This world is not my home, just a big waiting room where I can take full advantage of the love, mercy, and grace of God- for when I get there I will see fully who I am to God and who He is. This life is full of faith and hope and love, but as Andrew Peterson says so beautifully- Heaven will only be full of love because the faith and the hope will be realized and no longer necessary. Only love will remain.
WOW.
I had known this girl for 13 years (More than half my life) and it all just seemed too short.
Right before Bekah left at the end of the summer I had a string of other goodbyes. Friends that graduated from college that still lived in Chicago left and others who graduated when I did also left Chicago after living here for 2 or 3 years post graduation- one being my accountability partner. My friend Emily moved back to 'consin to live in Janesville near her sister- it wound up working out for her okay- she 's getting married to a Jansvillian in September. She was the person I could say anything to and it wouldn't shock her- she just listens and cares- good for a laugh that will make you pee your pants too!
Another amazing friend, Chris left for the 10/40 window last August- and even though she lived in Washington, it kills me that I can't call her whenever I want on my cell and it also kills me that when she can call me, we have to use code language on the phone and never say "Missions" or "Jesus" in case a line is tapped. Its like we can't even be ourselves.
I said goodbye to Spokane last November and the people there- its not to say that I won't ever go back, but I was finally able to say goodbye...Does that make sense?
This summer one of my exes who I finally was able to re-establish (Although we weren't really friends before we dated so I don't know all the rules on what to say here) a friendship with moved to Texas and if the other 2 exes move there any time soon, my life will have officially become a country song (All my Exes Live in Texas).
Brian who is one of the "3" to me ( Jesus had his large crowds, his 12 and then his 3 closest friends-Peter ,James and John then his one , John--) had to go home this summer in Kansas City. I miss being able to see him and phone time is limited since our schedules really clash this summer- At least he is coming back in August.
One of our pastors final Sundays was yesterday. He taught my internship program at church, helped me dissect covenental theology, and helped me with the whole missions board process.
Finally, last night I drove all the way out to Wheeling, in Chicago traffic @ 4:45pm to say goodbye to one of my childhood friends. You could say Justin was my first "love" ( if you can love at 13). He and I would write 10 page letters in Junior High back and forth to each other as if paper were going out of style. He wrote so small too- my parents loved it because how often do you really see kids writing a lot? Starting in 7th grade he'd call me every month or so- back in the stone age before cell phones. It cost lots of money to make a call to Moline in 1994. I don't know how it started but he'd call me every Christmas around 9pm for three years straight too. Then Sophomore year we didn't speak too much but after three or four months of silence between us I didn't expect him to call. My family was all sitting around oogling at everyone's brand new gifts and about 9:30 the phone rang. I popped up to grab it thinking it was Jenni or a relative. It was Justin! He said something like, "It just seemed really normal to call you today." We talked for over an hour. When my mom died January of my junior year Justin was one of the first people I called because I'd knew he'd say "That sucks." Instead of the "How are you doing?" automatic response. We all went to college and separated ways until one day my sophomore year I heard through the grapevine that Justin was going to Trinity, less than an hour away. I called the switch board and asked to be transferred to his room. His roommate answered the phone and I asked to speak to Justin. He said he was down in the dining hall and asked to take a message. I responded, " Yes, please make sure to tell him Jamie Stowell called...If you don't give him my last name he may not know who this is because we haven't seen each other in years." His roommate was cool and told me he'd pass on the message.
Apparently his roommate was on his way down to the dining hall and sat down as Justin was finishing up his corn. He said to Justin, " Oh Justin, a Jamie Stowell called for you" Justin spit out his corn and said, "Did you get her number?" His roommate responded positively and Justin left his stuff and ran up stairs. Within five minutes of calling him Justin called me back! We made plans to meet up that week and it was so much fun. We did that one or two more times and then summer hit and we lost contact when he went home again.
I met Justin because of this thing called Bible Quizzing. It's a way for teens to compete over Scripture memory-that's the easiest way to explain it. He was on Moline, I was on Itasca and we also had friends on other teams. Once a month during the school year our churches would meet somewhere and then "Quiz" over the material we learned. This was one of the best parts about growing up- I loved Bible Quizzing- as nerdy as it may sound.
After High schoool you don't really quiz, but you can coach- but most of my friends were gone as I coached a few times in college. After Junior year I switched e-mails and I no longer received the e-mails about Quiz Invitationals- it became out of sight, out of mind.
Then Kari, a good friend from the Wheaton team e-mailed all of us again a couple months ago- Justin, Dave ( another Moline guy) Jenni, Greg, Seth (All from the team I quizzed with in Itasca) as well as a few from her team in Wheaton and asked if everyone wanted to meet up at the next quiz meet, "Quiz Master" (the person who functions as ref and question asker) and then go out to dinner and catch up at Laura's house (Laura was also from the Wheaton team). So, about 4 months ago we did- and it was so much fun. Later I had everyone over at my place for dinner and games and we again had a great time. Just as we are all getting reacquainted Justin handed out directions to his place for a "moving party." He was leaving.
Justin got accepted to a law school out in Nebraska and he and his wife moved yesterday. It was weird saying goodbye again. After all the goodbyes start to culminate it becomes overwhelming. Oddly enough, there has been enough time apart that it didn't make me cry to say goodbye and get that final hug. I thought I'd be a mess of mascara by the end, but I didn't even cry on the way home. However, it was hitting me on the way home that my life will all be a series of goodbyes- some will come sooner than others and in ways you never expected- some goodbyes will seem textbook.
When I get on that plane to Australia I will be saying goodbye to a lot of things. My home- I've lived in Illinois my whole life minus one year. I will be saying goodbye to my family. I will be saying by to familiarity. I will be saying goodbye to friends. I will be saying goodbye to my church. I will be saying goodbye to so much. But I am ready to embrace it- why? Because God has promised so much to his children and he has been so faithful in the past- and seeing how he has been so faithful causes to to put my hope in His faithfulness to me in the future. Life has been an adventure so far.
Every single person listed has shaped me into something different than I would have been had they not been in my life. Goodbyes are hard but every goodbye is worth it for having known how different my life is because of them.
Some say this is good preparation for the mission field. Life will be continuous goodbyes.
Some say this is good preparation for heaven- This world is not my home, just a big waiting room where I can take full advantage of the love, mercy, and grace of God- for when I get there I will see fully who I am to God and who He is. This life is full of faith and hope and love, but as Andrew Peterson says so beautifully- Heaven will only be full of love because the faith and the hope will be realized and no longer necessary. Only love will remain.
WOW.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Serious Story # 2
For all you Calvinists out there...
I grew up in an Evangelical free church so doctrine was never pushed- I had no idea there were so many things that Christians disagreed on until I got to my freshman year in High School in an interterm class called Calvinism vs Arminianism. Basically my understanding that came from my parents was neither guy was right and you had to take from both. So what do you think I did as a confused 13 year old hearing doctrine for the first time? I believed everything my parents said. Then came my Systematic Theology class senior year ( 3 years after my calvinism/Arminism class) of High School (If you haven't guessed by now I went to a private Christian school). There I heard all these big words I had heard in that class that seemed as far back as the flood. We had to read about 800 pages in a semester. This was by far the most reading I had ever done for one class and I was still in high school. I accepted the challenge and began to really learn. My teacher, Mr Euler, was a Calvinist to the marrow. Mr Euler (who was the same one I had for that other class) had so many good arguments but something didn't settle well. I knew I cared about what I believed, but I still was going more toward Arminianism- other than the fact that it included the idea that you could lose your salvation- and I knew I didn't believe that- so it left me in this stumped phase.
I wrote my final theology paper with ease- like spreading room temperature butter on soft bread. And then I hit a theological deer on the road to my A. The next thing on my outline? "SOTERIOLOGY." I felt as if I were making a life or death decision- like what I wrote would be the determining factor to who I would be, how I would worship, who I would be friends with, where I would go to college and how I would interact with the world. In a way it's true- your theology affects the way you think, worship and interact with God. My final conclusion was that it had to be a little of both, because otherwise it didn't make "sense".
Fast forward about or 5 months and I'm in Spokane, in Old Testament Survey class. Again, I was confronted with this very important question. It was showing its confrontational head in more than the New Testament and in more than my theology classes.
I went to Brandon and Kenny's apartment quite often and this night I write about was like many others. It was October I believe. Kenny was at work and so there I was with Brandon hanging out and talking. Usual course of the night- Brandon got off work around 6 or 7...I would come over and hang out and talk or go for a drive with him. We'd get back to his place and wait for Kenny to get off work and then decide where to go for a while- usually Sheri's or Denny's until 1 or 2 in the morning.
Brandon grew up Presbyterian, so he heard doctrinal jargon and knew how to speak and talk about it. After my class I felt equipped to hold these deep conversations with him. We had chatted quite frequently. I enjoyed our ( Brandon and my) conversations on theology and he challenged me frequently. He told me often he liked talking to me because most girls at our age didn't care or didn't know how to talk about and usually didn't want to. I always felt so special when Brandon would open up to me about these things. This particular evening, Brandon was reading through Romans when I got to his place and he started up a conversation off the bat. I started to get it. Caedmon's Call was on in the background and the song "Thankful" came on. I said, "I don't know if I like this song." I asked Brandon why this was so hard for me, why I couldn't see it so black and white like he did. He told me, " Jamie, You have to throw off the old man- you have to know that if Christ hasn't done EVERYTHING for you then your faith isn't faith in God, its faith in yourself. Belief is a work- if you were saved by your own faith, then you would be able to be doing a good thing and in reality salvation would be there for you partly because of your belief." I started to tear up. Brandon was not the emotional type so he said "Come here Jamie. I want you to sit here and read through Romans 9-11 as long as it takes. I am so tired so I'm going to go in my room, close the door and go to bed." He paused and then looked me in the eyes as he turned around from walking toward his door, and here is classic Brandon, " Wake me up when you are a Calvinist."
I laughed...he kept walking...I sat there in disbelief of the situation. Blinking my eyes really hard, I stared at his closed bedroom door thinking, "for real?"
So with nothing else to do I looked down, laughed to myself, and started to read Romans 9-11. I read it two times and a rush of things my theology teacher and Brandon said were coming back to me as I hit certain verses. I found myself cross referencing with Romans 3, portions of Isaiah and following passages all over the Bible. By the end of the 3rd time through I believed it. I couldn't deny it anymore. I woke Brandon up and he came out and smiled and hugged me. I had tears running down my face. Kenny walked in at that moment, still in his apron from Perkins and asked what was going on- why are you crying?
Brandon spoke up, " Lets go out and celebrate. Jamie is theologically free." Kenny looked at me, " Romans 9-11?" I smiled and shook my head yes. "Yeah, that's how he got me too," Kenny responded while putting his arm around me.
We wound up at a Perkins different from the one Kenny worked at and talked about God. We had a Bible study and talked about how good God is- to love us and persue us despite our inability, lack of desire or utter depravity to love him back without his gracious hand causing us to do so.
"So I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own... So what part can I play in the work of redemption, I can't refuse and I cannot add a thing..."
~ Caedmon's Call
I grew up in an Evangelical free church so doctrine was never pushed- I had no idea there were so many things that Christians disagreed on until I got to my freshman year in High School in an interterm class called Calvinism vs Arminianism. Basically my understanding that came from my parents was neither guy was right and you had to take from both. So what do you think I did as a confused 13 year old hearing doctrine for the first time? I believed everything my parents said. Then came my Systematic Theology class senior year ( 3 years after my calvinism/Arminism class) of High School (If you haven't guessed by now I went to a private Christian school). There I heard all these big words I had heard in that class that seemed as far back as the flood. We had to read about 800 pages in a semester. This was by far the most reading I had ever done for one class and I was still in high school. I accepted the challenge and began to really learn. My teacher, Mr Euler, was a Calvinist to the marrow. Mr Euler (who was the same one I had for that other class) had so many good arguments but something didn't settle well. I knew I cared about what I believed, but I still was going more toward Arminianism- other than the fact that it included the idea that you could lose your salvation- and I knew I didn't believe that- so it left me in this stumped phase.
I wrote my final theology paper with ease- like spreading room temperature butter on soft bread. And then I hit a theological deer on the road to my A. The next thing on my outline? "SOTERIOLOGY." I felt as if I were making a life or death decision- like what I wrote would be the determining factor to who I would be, how I would worship, who I would be friends with, where I would go to college and how I would interact with the world. In a way it's true- your theology affects the way you think, worship and interact with God. My final conclusion was that it had to be a little of both, because otherwise it didn't make "sense".
Fast forward about or 5 months and I'm in Spokane, in Old Testament Survey class. Again, I was confronted with this very important question. It was showing its confrontational head in more than the New Testament and in more than my theology classes.
I went to Brandon and Kenny's apartment quite often and this night I write about was like many others. It was October I believe. Kenny was at work and so there I was with Brandon hanging out and talking. Usual course of the night- Brandon got off work around 6 or 7...I would come over and hang out and talk or go for a drive with him. We'd get back to his place and wait for Kenny to get off work and then decide where to go for a while- usually Sheri's or Denny's until 1 or 2 in the morning.
Brandon grew up Presbyterian, so he heard doctrinal jargon and knew how to speak and talk about it. After my class I felt equipped to hold these deep conversations with him. We had chatted quite frequently. I enjoyed our ( Brandon and my) conversations on theology and he challenged me frequently. He told me often he liked talking to me because most girls at our age didn't care or didn't know how to talk about and usually didn't want to. I always felt so special when Brandon would open up to me about these things. This particular evening, Brandon was reading through Romans when I got to his place and he started up a conversation off the bat. I started to get it. Caedmon's Call was on in the background and the song "Thankful" came on. I said, "I don't know if I like this song." I asked Brandon why this was so hard for me, why I couldn't see it so black and white like he did. He told me, " Jamie, You have to throw off the old man- you have to know that if Christ hasn't done EVERYTHING for you then your faith isn't faith in God, its faith in yourself. Belief is a work- if you were saved by your own faith, then you would be able to be doing a good thing and in reality salvation would be there for you partly because of your belief." I started to tear up. Brandon was not the emotional type so he said "Come here Jamie. I want you to sit here and read through Romans 9-11 as long as it takes. I am so tired so I'm going to go in my room, close the door and go to bed." He paused and then looked me in the eyes as he turned around from walking toward his door, and here is classic Brandon, " Wake me up when you are a Calvinist."
I laughed...he kept walking...I sat there in disbelief of the situation. Blinking my eyes really hard, I stared at his closed bedroom door thinking, "for real?"
So with nothing else to do I looked down, laughed to myself, and started to read Romans 9-11. I read it two times and a rush of things my theology teacher and Brandon said were coming back to me as I hit certain verses. I found myself cross referencing with Romans 3, portions of Isaiah and following passages all over the Bible. By the end of the 3rd time through I believed it. I couldn't deny it anymore. I woke Brandon up and he came out and smiled and hugged me. I had tears running down my face. Kenny walked in at that moment, still in his apron from Perkins and asked what was going on- why are you crying?
Brandon spoke up, " Lets go out and celebrate. Jamie is theologically free." Kenny looked at me, " Romans 9-11?" I smiled and shook my head yes. "Yeah, that's how he got me too," Kenny responded while putting his arm around me.
We wound up at a Perkins different from the one Kenny worked at and talked about God. We had a Bible study and talked about how good God is- to love us and persue us despite our inability, lack of desire or utter depravity to love him back without his gracious hand causing us to do so.
"So I am thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own... So what part can I play in the work of redemption, I can't refuse and I cannot add a thing..."
~ Caedmon's Call
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Memories of Spokane-Funny Story # 7
Urban legends come in all sizes- this one comes in the size of a box of powder Tide detergent.
Aaron S (I will use his last initial because we also had an Aaron but I can't remember his last initial because we weren't too close, but he lived with Aaron S- so in case the other Aaron comes up in another story we have them separated! ).
Okay- so I was talking to a bunch of people after class one day about random facts. I brought up that I heard that powder Tide glows in the dark. Aaron S confirmed that he heard the same thing. Everyone debated about what must have been in it to make it glow.
So later that day Tara and I were grocery shopping for a Christmas party we were throwing before everyone went on break. We bought a lot of snacks and drinks and a few holiday-esque things to place around the apartment. We also bought, out of mad curiosity,yes, powder Tide.
We eagerly got things ready: brownies, pretzel salad, dips & veggies assorted candies, chips & dip. Then we looked at our shiny new box of tide, actually, it was kind of dusty. So we pulled it out of the Safeway bag and looked down at it as if it were bomb we had to diffuse (only with plenty of time).
Maybe we should just open the box make a thick mixture and go for it. What should we write on the wall.
We searched the recesses of our mind for something good. Then a phrase Aaron S said all the time as a joke came to Tara. " I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU..." She started. I finished, " I don't think you're a Christian!" Aaron said it whenever anyone said or did something pushing the envelope or not "G" rated. It always made everyone laugh as everyone knew he was joking.
So on the front wall of the house when you walk in, Tara and I started writing on the wall with powder Tide mixture. After getting finished with the I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU..." We decided to stop and let it dry to see if it really worked. Yeah, I know- pretty smart- you think we would have tried a very small sample on a piece of newspaper before messing up our walls. Nope- not that smart yet.
So it dried and it turned into something similar you probably made in 5th grade. Remember when you had to do cartography in Social Science- and you had to make a water color map of the US then you had to make that weird mixture of flour and salt and water to make a rough playdough substance to form the mountains in the west.? That what this stuff looked like- but it smelled a LOT better.
This 5th grade substance dried on the wall- now for the ultimate test. We turned of the lights after shining a very powerful flashlight on it. We could barely contain our excitement as we awaited the outcome of our scientific experiment. And when we turned off the lights we realized we were in...complete darkness. "WHAT!!!" We looked at the box as if it were defective. I kicked it like a dead pet to see if it's really dead.
"What should we do now, we have this crap on the wall?" Tara went to get a sponge, a scraper and some warm water. Just as we started our first guest arrived. Oh well.
The whole night everyone who came in asked, "What is that on the wall? What does it say?" So each time we told the story it got shorter as our disappointment in our "experiment" got larger. The party was a success nonetheless. Everyone had a good time and it went well into the night.
Nothing beat what happened the next morning however. No, we didn't find any drunk guests in our closets, but we did have an unexpected lovely stop over from our landlady, Marla. To hear more about Marla you should read Memories from Spokane-Funny Story # 3. She came in and looked at the wall as if she had just witnessed a murder. In squeaky, old lady voice, " Oh dear. Oh my! What in heaven's name is this girls?"
Tara and I tried to play it off as if it was nothing. " Oh, its just a small experiment with Tide. We put it up yesterday and are hoping to take it down today."
She kept asking questions about it to the point of annoyance.
"Why did you put tide on the walls inside the house?" She questioned finally. To which a funny joke popped in my head and it took everything in me to not say it. The joke is, (and you have to say it out loud in order for it to make sense because the eyes alone don't pick it up)Q: Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide? A: because it's too told out tide." I did refrain and finally after Tara continued the explanation, Marla finally left, a little upset, but she left. Tara and I washed it off the walls moments after she was gone and there was no trace of anything. The next time Marla came over she looked at the wall as soon as she was in the door and even touched it discretely to see if everything had been taken care of. " I have to hand it to you, it looks like nothing was ever on the wall," she said.
Tara and I looked at each other proudly with a smirk.
There are some people that got it to work - here are a few tips to make your Tide experiment successful:
http://upstagereview.org/CostumesArticles/glow.pdf
And in this one, apparently its liquid Tide that does the trick:
http://www.exo.net/~pauld/activities/fluorescence.html
Well, I guess I learned that you should always check the validity of experiments- but I also learned that Tide on the wall makes a good conversation piece.
Aaron S (I will use his last initial because we also had an Aaron but I can't remember his last initial because we weren't too close, but he lived with Aaron S- so in case the other Aaron comes up in another story we have them separated! ).
Okay- so I was talking to a bunch of people after class one day about random facts. I brought up that I heard that powder Tide glows in the dark. Aaron S confirmed that he heard the same thing. Everyone debated about what must have been in it to make it glow.
So later that day Tara and I were grocery shopping for a Christmas party we were throwing before everyone went on break. We bought a lot of snacks and drinks and a few holiday-esque things to place around the apartment. We also bought, out of mad curiosity,yes, powder Tide.
We eagerly got things ready: brownies, pretzel salad, dips & veggies assorted candies, chips & dip. Then we looked at our shiny new box of tide, actually, it was kind of dusty. So we pulled it out of the Safeway bag and looked down at it as if it were bomb we had to diffuse (only with plenty of time).
Maybe we should just open the box make a thick mixture and go for it. What should we write on the wall.
We searched the recesses of our mind for something good. Then a phrase Aaron S said all the time as a joke came to Tara. " I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU..." She started. I finished, " I don't think you're a Christian!" Aaron said it whenever anyone said or did something pushing the envelope or not "G" rated. It always made everyone laugh as everyone knew he was joking.
So on the front wall of the house when you walk in, Tara and I started writing on the wall with powder Tide mixture. After getting finished with the I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU..." We decided to stop and let it dry to see if it really worked. Yeah, I know- pretty smart- you think we would have tried a very small sample on a piece of newspaper before messing up our walls. Nope- not that smart yet.
So it dried and it turned into something similar you probably made in 5th grade. Remember when you had to do cartography in Social Science- and you had to make a water color map of the US then you had to make that weird mixture of flour and salt and water to make a rough playdough substance to form the mountains in the west.? That what this stuff looked like- but it smelled a LOT better.
This 5th grade substance dried on the wall- now for the ultimate test. We turned of the lights after shining a very powerful flashlight on it. We could barely contain our excitement as we awaited the outcome of our scientific experiment. And when we turned off the lights we realized we were in...complete darkness. "WHAT!!!" We looked at the box as if it were defective. I kicked it like a dead pet to see if it's really dead.
"What should we do now, we have this crap on the wall?" Tara went to get a sponge, a scraper and some warm water. Just as we started our first guest arrived. Oh well.
The whole night everyone who came in asked, "What is that on the wall? What does it say?" So each time we told the story it got shorter as our disappointment in our "experiment" got larger. The party was a success nonetheless. Everyone had a good time and it went well into the night.
Nothing beat what happened the next morning however. No, we didn't find any drunk guests in our closets, but we did have an unexpected lovely stop over from our landlady, Marla. To hear more about Marla you should read Memories from Spokane-Funny Story # 3. She came in and looked at the wall as if she had just witnessed a murder. In squeaky, old lady voice, " Oh dear. Oh my! What in heaven's name is this girls?"
Tara and I tried to play it off as if it was nothing. " Oh, its just a small experiment with Tide. We put it up yesterday and are hoping to take it down today."
She kept asking questions about it to the point of annoyance.
"Why did you put tide on the walls inside the house?" She questioned finally. To which a funny joke popped in my head and it took everything in me to not say it. The joke is, (and you have to say it out loud in order for it to make sense because the eyes alone don't pick it up)Q: Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide? A: because it's too told out tide." I did refrain and finally after Tara continued the explanation, Marla finally left, a little upset, but she left. Tara and I washed it off the walls moments after she was gone and there was no trace of anything. The next time Marla came over she looked at the wall as soon as she was in the door and even touched it discretely to see if everything had been taken care of. " I have to hand it to you, it looks like nothing was ever on the wall," she said.
Tara and I looked at each other proudly with a smirk.
There are some people that got it to work - here are a few tips to make your Tide experiment successful:
http://upstagereview.org/CostumesArticles/glow.pdf
And in this one, apparently its liquid Tide that does the trick:
http://www.exo.net/~pauld/activities/fluorescence.html
Well, I guess I learned that you should always check the validity of experiments- but I also learned that Tide on the wall makes a good conversation piece.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Good stuff
Andrew Peterson is one of my favorite song writers- he's good for the joyful, good for the sorrowful and good for the weak and strong alike. His writings have impressed me more and more over the years too. I recommend visiting his web site and reading his "journal" and his "writings" section. You won't be able to put it down. For your reading pleasure:
http://www.andrew-peterson.com/news
Derek Webb has touched me in the same way:
www.derekwebb.com Good stuff friends!
http://www.andrew-peterson.com/news
Derek Webb has touched me in the same way:
www.derekwebb.com Good stuff friends!
Memories of Spokane- Serious Story # 1
I woke up as rain was pelting my nose. I slept with the window open again and the rain was coming in. It was the the day before Halloween and the rain that came got increasingly colder as the wind moved winter closer to us.
I dressed warm- my thicker jeans, a sweater and my rain coat. I put on socks and my gym shoes. I love fall. I was really warm, as I continued to get ready, with everything on, so I just put on a long sleeved t and a light rain coat I left in the car in case I needed it.
I got to class just as someone walked in from the office and gave Kenny a slip of paper saying there was something that couldn't fit in his school mail box that was waiting for him in the office. He went down stairs and when he came up he was holding a brand new camera. Kenny had talked about how he was really wanting a camera because of his new interest in photography. His $17.89 camera from Walmart wasn't cutting it. Everyone guessed it was Suzanne that gave it to him because she was the only one in our group that could afford to get anyone a gift that nice. She never admitted that she bought it for him, but we all knew it had to be her- she was always generous with her money.
After class that day I hung back a little... I wanted to see if anyone wanted to do anything. It was a rainy blah day and I didn't feel like going home. I looked around and only a few people I barely knew were still at school, so I headed outside. Then I heard his voice behind me. " Jamie, are you going home?"
" Oh hey Kenny. Well, I kinda don't want to, but it seems everyone has left. What are you up to?"
" Well, I was thinking about going thrift store shopping because tomorrow at work we don't have to wear our uniform if we dress for Halloween."
" I love thrift stores...I didn't know there were any in Spokane."
" Well, come with me! It'll be fun!"
I didn't know Kenny too well at this point, but I did sort of find his confidence in who the Lord was making him contagious. That and he was really nice- to everyone.
" Okay, sure!"
He unlocked the door of his red Nissan pickup truck for me and I hopped in. I leaned over to unlock his door so he could get in without his key. "The door test" I said. "The door test?" He questioned. "Yeah, If a guy opens the door for you you should lean over and unlock his door- its the least you can do for him."
He looked at me and gave me that million dollar Kenny smile I'll remember for years to come. " Okay, I'll have to remember that."
We drove to the Salvation Army first to check out their digs. I asked him, " Did you celebrate Halloween as a kid? "
"Yeah, kinda, I mean we dressed up and went outside to trick or treat."
" What about you?" He said.
" Well, we never did...Never really liked Halloween- but it's a long story."
As Kenny finished looking through a pile trying to find anything to pull off as a "costume" he paused long and looked at me in the eyes with the softest look, " well, I'm kinda sick of sorting through this anyway, you want to go take pictures around Spokane with my new camera? Maybe you can tell me a little about that long story of yours."
I smiled, " Kenny, its pouring outside!"
" Jamie, thats what will make it so fun...dodging raindrops and finding cool shots. Common', let's go get soaked!"
Kenny intruiged me- he barely knew me but was willing to spend his day with me, and wanted to hear about my views on Halloween. As we took shots all over Spokane we got to know each other. He asked me questions that were personal and he seemed comfortable doing so. We laughed a ton and and one point it got cold and windy so Kenny offered me his coat. Who is this guy? Why aren't there more like him? He was full of surprises and I started to grow attached to the idea of having him around and in my life and being my friend. He kept me on my toes and warm in his jacket.
We ducked under awning after awning trying to stay dry and laughed along the way. At one point we were standing next to a Children's Museum and so he said, let's go inside and look around. I thought he was crazy. I don't know if i was just told maturity comes with avoiding those places once you are older or if I was being too uptight, but Kenny helped me unleash a side of me I had trapped since my mom died two years before. I had to grow up that day: January 5, 1998 at 8:05am. My childhood as I knew it was over and so playing silly games had to be put behind me. But Kenny helped me see that it was okay to laugh and have fun, being silly. He climbed in this toy tree thats only for kids and made me go down a slide with him that we almost got stuck on because the two of us together were just too wide for it. I couldn't stop laughing and neither could he. We stayed stuck for a couple of minutes before we finally wiggled out.
After we left the kiddie museum we walked over to the bus station and around the "downtown" ( see funny story # 2) area of Spokane. We walked from covered walking bridge to covered walking bridge.
I started to feel something for Kenny that day, but I didn't want to blow it out of perportion. " Hey Jamie, What are you doing for dinner?"
Wow, we just spent 3 hours together alone and now he's asking me what I want to for dinner. I said I had no plans but I did have to write a paper. He told me, " Well I have to go to work tonight, but maybe you should stop in Perkins and get something to eat. Work on your paper there. Maybe Brandon [Kenny's Roommate] can come too."
I agreed to this boy who had captured my attention.
Brandon and I hung out that night, and Chrissy came too if I remember right. We sat there as Kenny brought us free drinks and we ordered dinner. I had no idea from that day on I'd be eating at Perkins at least twice a week. Brandon also began asking me intriguing questions and Theology came naturally to the conversation for Brandon as he asked me about some of my views.
Just when I thought this was about to be the year " I didn't get into Moody Chicago..." It was turning into one of the most precious, amazing years of my life.
So what became of this boy Kenny and this girl Jamie? In the words of Kenny, " We are...Kenny and Jamie"
I dressed warm- my thicker jeans, a sweater and my rain coat. I put on socks and my gym shoes. I love fall. I was really warm, as I continued to get ready, with everything on, so I just put on a long sleeved t and a light rain coat I left in the car in case I needed it.
I got to class just as someone walked in from the office and gave Kenny a slip of paper saying there was something that couldn't fit in his school mail box that was waiting for him in the office. He went down stairs and when he came up he was holding a brand new camera. Kenny had talked about how he was really wanting a camera because of his new interest in photography. His $17.89 camera from Walmart wasn't cutting it. Everyone guessed it was Suzanne that gave it to him because she was the only one in our group that could afford to get anyone a gift that nice. She never admitted that she bought it for him, but we all knew it had to be her- she was always generous with her money.
After class that day I hung back a little... I wanted to see if anyone wanted to do anything. It was a rainy blah day and I didn't feel like going home. I looked around and only a few people I barely knew were still at school, so I headed outside. Then I heard his voice behind me. " Jamie, are you going home?"
" Oh hey Kenny. Well, I kinda don't want to, but it seems everyone has left. What are you up to?"
" Well, I was thinking about going thrift store shopping because tomorrow at work we don't have to wear our uniform if we dress for Halloween."
" I love thrift stores...I didn't know there were any in Spokane."
" Well, come with me! It'll be fun!"
I didn't know Kenny too well at this point, but I did sort of find his confidence in who the Lord was making him contagious. That and he was really nice- to everyone.
" Okay, sure!"
He unlocked the door of his red Nissan pickup truck for me and I hopped in. I leaned over to unlock his door so he could get in without his key. "The door test" I said. "The door test?" He questioned. "Yeah, If a guy opens the door for you you should lean over and unlock his door- its the least you can do for him."
He looked at me and gave me that million dollar Kenny smile I'll remember for years to come. " Okay, I'll have to remember that."
We drove to the Salvation Army first to check out their digs. I asked him, " Did you celebrate Halloween as a kid? "
"Yeah, kinda, I mean we dressed up and went outside to trick or treat."
" What about you?" He said.
" Well, we never did...Never really liked Halloween- but it's a long story."
As Kenny finished looking through a pile trying to find anything to pull off as a "costume" he paused long and looked at me in the eyes with the softest look, " well, I'm kinda sick of sorting through this anyway, you want to go take pictures around Spokane with my new camera? Maybe you can tell me a little about that long story of yours."
I smiled, " Kenny, its pouring outside!"
" Jamie, thats what will make it so fun...dodging raindrops and finding cool shots. Common', let's go get soaked!"
Kenny intruiged me- he barely knew me but was willing to spend his day with me, and wanted to hear about my views on Halloween. As we took shots all over Spokane we got to know each other. He asked me questions that were personal and he seemed comfortable doing so. We laughed a ton and and one point it got cold and windy so Kenny offered me his coat. Who is this guy? Why aren't there more like him? He was full of surprises and I started to grow attached to the idea of having him around and in my life and being my friend. He kept me on my toes and warm in his jacket.
We ducked under awning after awning trying to stay dry and laughed along the way. At one point we were standing next to a Children's Museum and so he said, let's go inside and look around. I thought he was crazy. I don't know if i was just told maturity comes with avoiding those places once you are older or if I was being too uptight, but Kenny helped me unleash a side of me I had trapped since my mom died two years before. I had to grow up that day: January 5, 1998 at 8:05am. My childhood as I knew it was over and so playing silly games had to be put behind me. But Kenny helped me see that it was okay to laugh and have fun, being silly. He climbed in this toy tree thats only for kids and made me go down a slide with him that we almost got stuck on because the two of us together were just too wide for it. I couldn't stop laughing and neither could he. We stayed stuck for a couple of minutes before we finally wiggled out.
After we left the kiddie museum we walked over to the bus station and around the "downtown" ( see funny story # 2) area of Spokane. We walked from covered walking bridge to covered walking bridge.
I started to feel something for Kenny that day, but I didn't want to blow it out of perportion. " Hey Jamie, What are you doing for dinner?"
Wow, we just spent 3 hours together alone and now he's asking me what I want to for dinner. I said I had no plans but I did have to write a paper. He told me, " Well I have to go to work tonight, but maybe you should stop in Perkins and get something to eat. Work on your paper there. Maybe Brandon [Kenny's Roommate] can come too."
I agreed to this boy who had captured my attention.
Brandon and I hung out that night, and Chrissy came too if I remember right. We sat there as Kenny brought us free drinks and we ordered dinner. I had no idea from that day on I'd be eating at Perkins at least twice a week. Brandon also began asking me intriguing questions and Theology came naturally to the conversation for Brandon as he asked me about some of my views.
Just when I thought this was about to be the year " I didn't get into Moody Chicago..." It was turning into one of the most precious, amazing years of my life.
So what became of this boy Kenny and this girl Jamie? In the words of Kenny, " We are...Kenny and Jamie"
Friday, June 02, 2006
Elizabethtown-the movie
One of the best artsy movies disguised as a chick flick.
I borrowed four movies from my brother last weekend: Pirates of the Caribbean, Oceans 11, The Bourne Identity (I don't know if its Matt Damen or if its really a good movie- but I could watch it a lot).
I put it in thinking it would be a chick flick- you know the kind you can watch while folding clothes, cleaning your apartment, talking on the phone and running a 20 minute errand and then you come home and still know exactly what's going on... Its just too simple- that's what I thought it would be. I put it in for background noise at first- when you live alone sometimes you do that- just to feel like you are safer or have company over. So after I grabbed a couple of things to unpack and decorate my new place, I was drawn into the lives of Drew Baylor and Claire. Drew makes a major financial boo boo at his shoe company and will soon be labeled a failure. On the way home to Kentucky for his Father's funeral, a man he barely knows now, or tried to forget when he left home, a zealous flight attendant tries to make friendly with him despite his obvious disinterest.
But then the real story of the film comes out. Drew needs to deal with his past, he needs to lighten up and learn how to live. Somehow the flight attendant, Claire, comes back into his life and tries to teach him how to do that and how to really enjoy it. You see them talk on the phone while one of the year's best soundtracks plays in the background.
Drew meets Claire for the sunrise half way between the two of them and they build their relationship only how they can be built- talking and time- as much time as you can in a "Chick Flick." You see him finally give himself to another person- learning to let go of his own seriousness and self-pity.
He takes his dead father's ashes on a road trip planned courteously by Claire. This is one of the best parts in the movie (that and the memorial service for his father). He learns to let his father in, and then let him go at symbolic moments. The last two lines are the best in the whole movie and make the story worthwhile. You'll have to watch to find out.
Rating: Even guys who don't like chick flicks (Shmeric- when you come up for their wedding we'll watch Donny Darko and this one :)) will love it.
This one is now in my top 10- LOVE IT.
I borrowed four movies from my brother last weekend: Pirates of the Caribbean, Oceans 11, The Bourne Identity (I don't know if its Matt Damen or if its really a good movie- but I could watch it a lot).
I put it in thinking it would be a chick flick- you know the kind you can watch while folding clothes, cleaning your apartment, talking on the phone and running a 20 minute errand and then you come home and still know exactly what's going on... Its just too simple- that's what I thought it would be. I put it in for background noise at first- when you live alone sometimes you do that- just to feel like you are safer or have company over. So after I grabbed a couple of things to unpack and decorate my new place, I was drawn into the lives of Drew Baylor and Claire. Drew makes a major financial boo boo at his shoe company and will soon be labeled a failure. On the way home to Kentucky for his Father's funeral, a man he barely knows now, or tried to forget when he left home, a zealous flight attendant tries to make friendly with him despite his obvious disinterest.
But then the real story of the film comes out. Drew needs to deal with his past, he needs to lighten up and learn how to live. Somehow the flight attendant, Claire, comes back into his life and tries to teach him how to do that and how to really enjoy it. You see them talk on the phone while one of the year's best soundtracks plays in the background.
Drew meets Claire for the sunrise half way between the two of them and they build their relationship only how they can be built- talking and time- as much time as you can in a "Chick Flick." You see him finally give himself to another person- learning to let go of his own seriousness and self-pity.
He takes his dead father's ashes on a road trip planned courteously by Claire. This is one of the best parts in the movie (that and the memorial service for his father). He learns to let his father in, and then let him go at symbolic moments. The last two lines are the best in the whole movie and make the story worthwhile. You'll have to watch to find out.
Rating: Even guys who don't like chick flicks (Shmeric- when you come up for their wedding we'll watch Donny Darko and this one :)) will love it.
This one is now in my top 10- LOVE IT.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
I'm emerging...lol
This guy's post says it all- made me almost pee my pants...
http://purgatorio1.blogspot.com/2005/11/you-might-be-emerging-if.html
http://purgatorio1.blogspot.com/2005/11/you-might-be-emerging-if.html
Friday, May 26, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 6
Moody Northwest is in a small town. Let me rephrase that- I'm from Chicago, so unless I'm sitting in LA, NYC or Tokyo, the town is going to be small. To Spokanites- this place is pretty big.
Moody Northwest classes run from 7:45am-10am- then they break for chapel then resume class from 11-12. Hour lunch break from 12-1 and then another class from 1-2:45. Most people would bring a lunch to the school so they didn't have to go home or go out for lunch. Moody Northwest doesn't have cafeteria, so going out or bringing your lunch was pretty much the only two options- other than starving.
It was a beautiful day (as were most days in Spokane) and Derek, Chrissy, Brandon, Marty, Kenny & I decided to go grab a bite to eat. We took two cars. Chrissy was the lead car so she was to decide where to go for lunch. We found ourselves at Jack in the Box- to those midwesters that are reading and have never left the Midwest- Jack in the Box (Which Chrissy always called "Jack in the Crack") is like a Hardees- slightly better.
So we walked in and we are all in line deciding what we wanted. I looked at Kenny, "I forgot my wallet." He smiled and said, "I got ya covered." Then he looked in his and discovered he only had $2. We laughed. Everyone started looking around and no one had money! Chrissy said, "It's okay, I have my checkbook you all can pay me back later." ( Checks were accepted at all fast food places in Spokane until April of 2000-I don't know why they stopped, but it was sure nice to have them accept checks that day). We obviously were relieved because Kenny's $2 couldn't go very far.
We all stepped up, one by one, to order. Chrissy ordered last since she was paying and when the total came up she wrote it in and then started laughing hysterically. Then she gasped in fear. She turned around and whispered to all of us as the fast food lady was putting our food in the bags, "In the Pay to the order of line, I wrote 'Jack in the Crack'! Then I realized that it was my last check." We all tried to contain the obvious giggle that overtook us. The lady returned to the counter and raised an eyebrow, suspicious of our laughter. Chrissy approached the lady and she repeated the total. So Chrissy signed that check and handed it to her saying, " I think I made a mistake on the check." The fast food lady took it and gave it a quick glance, " Looks okay to me!" and there she fed it right through the check processor. She ten handed us our food and we really didn't know what to do with it. We were stunned she took it, or didn't read it completely. So we sat down and had a good story to tell because of it.
Moody Northwest classes run from 7:45am-10am- then they break for chapel then resume class from 11-12. Hour lunch break from 12-1 and then another class from 1-2:45. Most people would bring a lunch to the school so they didn't have to go home or go out for lunch. Moody Northwest doesn't have cafeteria, so going out or bringing your lunch was pretty much the only two options- other than starving.
It was a beautiful day (as were most days in Spokane) and Derek, Chrissy, Brandon, Marty, Kenny & I decided to go grab a bite to eat. We took two cars. Chrissy was the lead car so she was to decide where to go for lunch. We found ourselves at Jack in the Box- to those midwesters that are reading and have never left the Midwest- Jack in the Box (Which Chrissy always called "Jack in the Crack") is like a Hardees- slightly better.
So we walked in and we are all in line deciding what we wanted. I looked at Kenny, "I forgot my wallet." He smiled and said, "I got ya covered." Then he looked in his and discovered he only had $2. We laughed. Everyone started looking around and no one had money! Chrissy said, "It's okay, I have my checkbook you all can pay me back later." ( Checks were accepted at all fast food places in Spokane until April of 2000-I don't know why they stopped, but it was sure nice to have them accept checks that day). We obviously were relieved because Kenny's $2 couldn't go very far.
We all stepped up, one by one, to order. Chrissy ordered last since she was paying and when the total came up she wrote it in and then started laughing hysterically. Then she gasped in fear. She turned around and whispered to all of us as the fast food lady was putting our food in the bags, "In the Pay to the order of line, I wrote 'Jack in the Crack'! Then I realized that it was my last check." We all tried to contain the obvious giggle that overtook us. The lady returned to the counter and raised an eyebrow, suspicious of our laughter. Chrissy approached the lady and she repeated the total. So Chrissy signed that check and handed it to her saying, " I think I made a mistake on the check." The fast food lady took it and gave it a quick glance, " Looks okay to me!" and there she fed it right through the check processor. She ten handed us our food and we really didn't know what to do with it. We were stunned she took it, or didn't read it completely. So we sat down and had a good story to tell because of it.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 5
It was one of those sunny days you just ache to have all the time and when it finally happens- when the weather seems to hit that perfect point of warm, but not too warm, sunny, but not too sunny and you have the most amazing friends to share it with on a perfect Thursday. You just have to be outside! Unfortunately I had class and had to work that night at 6. I easily woke up on such a beautiful day and got ready for my last day of class before a 4 day weekend.
I got up early that day- the sun must have woken me up. I had plenty of time before my 7:45 am class- let me tell you- that never happened! I checked my e-mail and on it there was one from a band list I got on in high school. They usually just listed the shows in Chicago since that's where I registered for it, but this one had B.U.C.K.'s full tour schedule for the summer. I looked just to see if there was by chance anything happening in Spokane- to no avail. The closest one: Boise, Idaho- an eight hour smelly (had to go through a factory town- to this day when ever I think of Boise, I think of rotting eggs), but beautiful drive- rolling rivers and beautiful cliffs. The concert was also on Good Friday- the very next day. No go- too soon, too far- I guess seeing Seth ( a band member from BUCK I knew pretty well when he was in a local band called Nifty Fifty) and hearing BUCK would have to wait. Seth & I had actually gone to Sadie Hawkins at a Chicago Fire (soccer) game in Chicago the May before. We weren't super close or anything, but it was pretty cool to be a close enough groupie to ask him to do that. And to have him say yes shot my pride up about 30 points (does anyone know how high the pride scale goes?) even though I wasn't interested in him like that. Oh well, I'll catch them back in Chicago later, I thought.
I got to school..." 7:43- two minutes to spare" I said to myself as I sat down. The sun was streaming in the classroom windows so powerfully that it warmed the entire place. The class was to go till 10- we would then break for chapel until 11 and then have 1 more hour of class from 11-12. The professor started in but everyone seemed to want to be outside- it was obvious to see that when even the professor couldn't concentrate.He said,
“I’ll make you a deal. Chapel is canceled today anyway since it’s the day before Good Friday. I will only take an hour of your time today if you all promise to spend the other 2 hours outside at some point enjoying the weather."
Instant smiles spread across the room in tsunami sized waves. "Deal?"
"DEAL!" the class exploded.
At 8:45 he let us go. I wanted to be with people- you can't just spend a day like this one alone. It was nearly Easter so any temperature that started with a 6 had people out in shorts rollerblading/biking, walking the dogs in the park instead of in a coat around the back yard, pushing strollers (you have to wonder where those babies disappear to all winter), and of course lots of pedestrians.I mentioned Spokane Park in a previous post and here I was again aching to be with friends outside in the park.
I called to Kenny in the hall- my dearest friend who usually worked and unsurprisingly he was getting ready again for another double shift at Perkins.
"Kenny its beautiful outside!""I know, and I have to spend 9 hours inside today wearing a black apron and bringing people their blue plate specials- but I get off at midnight and then I leave for home for Easter. Do you want to come with? Do you have a place to go for Easter?"
" Yeah, I am going to my cousins and aunt & uncle's place."
"Again?"
"Yeah, I don't get to see them too much."
"Well, when do you leave?"
"Ahh- probably tomorrow morning"
"Well, call me tonight, maybe you can come over and while I pack we could hang out."
"Okay, I will."
Chrissy had no class on Thursdays so I went home to try to contact her hoping she hadn't left to enjoy the day already.I called Chrissy and she didn't answer so I drove over to her place to see if she was still sleeping (after all it was only 9am).
Dorcas opened the door for me and said Chrissy was sleeping still so I went inside to see Chrissy lying in bed asleep. I climbed in her massive bed, sheets overcoming me and I was in heaven lying on Chrissy's big cloud-like duvet. She woke up from her half-stupor and said "Hi Haime!"
I stood on her bed, reached for the string on her blinds and pulled her blinds and the sun streamed in. I put on my sun glasses because it was so bright and to make my point.
"Go shower...Lets go to the park! It’s way to nice out to stay in here."
"Haime- I have homework."
"It’s Thursday and we have a 4 day weekend - do it tomorrow."
" Oh, Okay! You convinced me."
"It didn't take too much to do it!"
"Well, to be honest I woke up a little bit ago and really wanted to go to the park, so I'm glad you came over."
When she got ready we drove to the park and we met up with some of her other roommates and we saw some of the people from school there too just playing Frisbee and enjoying the day.Chrissy and I laid on blankets in the grass and read and talked. I started thinking about seeing BUCK again and told Chrissy.
" They are really going to be in Boise?" She asked.
"Yeah, tomorrow night."
" You want to go huh?"
" Yeah, it would be fun, but it's so far and it's too soon to change up plans."
" Do you still want to go to Seattle together so I can drop you off at your cousins?" (Chrissy's family was from the greater Seattle area as were my cousins so we drove together often when I went out there).
"Yeah that would be great." I responded.
"Well, what if we went to Boise and saw BUCK tomorrow and then drove back after?"
" You would go with me all the way there? It’s like an 7 hour drive one way!"
" Haime, we're in school, we will never again get a chance to do this together- let's just go for it."
" REALLY? Then, YES, let's go for it!"I
Simultaneously, "ROAD TRIP!"
I started planning out loud in one long run on sentence in one breath, "I get off work tonight at 9 and could be ready to go by 10- we'll get to Boise at 5am-then We could take my car and drive to Boise tonight and get a hotel room in Boise at 5 to sleep and then get ready for the concert Friday night.After the concert we could drive straight back to Spokane by 5 am again if the concert is over by 10 and then sleep a little- an hour or so- in Spokane, switch my car for your car and then drive to Seattle- getting us there by noon or 1. Then we could really sleep at your parents place and then you could drive me to my relatives for Easter morning. Pick me back up that evening at 10ish, I'll come back to your place to sleep that night and then mid afternoon on Monday we can head back to Spokane."
"What ever you said," Chrissy said. We ran to our car, got a map and planned our route. Then we went to Perkins to say hi to Kenny, tell him our plan so he knew that I couldn't hang out after he got off and then we helped each other pack. I went to work with a smile on my face and time could not pass fast enough. It was really slow so I asked to go home early and they let me off. I called Chrissy, she zoomed over and we were gone by 9!Then it hit us- the lengthy drive. About 2am every ounce of energy and adrenaline rushed right out of my body. Chrissy felt it too. About 2:30 we decide it was neither safe nor good for us try to drive the rest of the way. So we found the next small town and a totally new/re-modeled Super 8. I think it was like 60 bucks- $ 30 a piece. I asked the desk guy half joking, “Can we get a discount since we are only using the room half as long as everyone else. It’s already 2:30am and we have to be out by..." I looked around the check in area and found a sign that said check out time was 11am. I grabbed it and pointed at the 11am time and said, “Out by 11am." He smiled and laughed.
He said, "Tell ya what- I'll give it to you for $50 and give a check out time of 1pm."
" Great!" we said. We made our way to our room down the hall and he said, “Oh the pool & hot tub are open 24 hours a day."
"Thanks." We ran to the room- it was really nice and we crashed on the beds. We set the alarm for 10am- enough time to really sleep and get in the hot tub in the morning and then shower and get ready to drive the rest of the way- just in time to get to the concert venue by 6pm.We did exactly that and even got to Boise by 4pm- 2 hours to kill. We had dinner somewhere and then walked all over Boise- for it begin the capitol city and Friday night, not too much was happening. The streets were pretty empty- all in all Boise is not too exciting even the shopping area was minimal and closed by 5.
I said to Chrissy, "We should probably go drive to the venue so we actually know where it is- that way we don't get lost and miss the whole thing and come down here for nothing.We did- we drove and did get turned around- we got there about 5:30 and I said, well I'm sure BUCK is here by now, we can probably go in and find Seth and surprise him. We spotted the "BUCK-mobile" and went to the front door where a large bouncer that really belonged at a Metallica concert and not a Christian ska concert waited.
I approached him and said, “Hi. I know the singer in BUCK and I was wondering..."
He cut me off and laughed, “Yeah, sure you do...So does everybody."
I laughed, "I really do- you can ask him...His name is Seth and..."
" Are you on the guest list?"
" Well, no, but I'm from Chicago- I know him from home- it’s kind of a surprise I'm here"
Mr. Big Bouncer said, "Well I guess the surprise will just have to wait."
I was frustrated, but I understood- I wouldn't have let me in either. I asked the bouncer if we could stand at the door at least. He responded positively, so there we stood.
Just then Seth walked by the door way but didn't look our direction, so I took a chance, “Seth!" I said loudly. He turned around and looked at me. Pause.
“Jamie! Hey, what the heck are you doing here?!" as he ran over by the door and gave me a big hug. The bouncer looked stunned- absolutely stunned.
I looked at Seth pointing at the bouncer who was standing so close I could tell what he had for breakfast, “He thought I was making it up." Seth turned to the bouncer, kept his arm around me and to Mr.Big Bouncer, " If you could let them in now, that would be great- they are with me."
The bouncer lowered his tree trunk sized arm and let us through, still speechless.The evening went better than planned. Seth sat with us until the sound check and then even during he first band. He dedicated a song to Chrissy and me and introduced us to members of the band. They wanted to all go out afterward. Sadly, Chrissy & I were really on a tight schedule so we had to turn them down, but we did have a little time to talk after the show. So we did. It was already 11 and we had to get going. We hugged and headed back out onto the open road.About 12:30 am tiredness set in again. We stopped to get coffee and it helped as we sang at the top of our lungs- for about an hour. Then the windows came down and blew cold air in our faces and that helped too...For about 30 minutes. We were fading but we could not stop- we had to get back- but we wanted to do so alive.
The next town had a very well lit gas station that was like a Super gas station- the ones families love to stop at on trips. It was really well lit, clean sparkly bathrooms, isles of snack foods and tons of coffee bar amenities. We went in and got more coffee and "no doze". Neither of us had ever taken it before but other people did at school for all-nighters. We bought enough for 4 pills each. The guy wouldn't have given them to us unless we were 18. I had just had my birthday, so I showed of my ID with a smile. I guess it was sort of drug like and we were buy 8 pills. So there we went- ladies of the night.
It was about 3 and we took a pill- waiting like frogs to turn into princesses of night vision automatically. No such luck. It was so slow in working it seemed to be working backwards. We took another at 3:30. The pouch said no more than 1 in an 8 hour period. At that point Chrissy seemed good to go. I, on the other hand, was still struggling 2 hours later at 5am. I took a 3rd and then felt very high on life. We were giddy and you think the whole car was filled with the gas at the dentist's office. It wore off again really fast- 6am is approaching and Chrissy asked for another (her 3rd) and I had just taken my 4th pill in 4 hours. We were finally approaching the Spokane city limits and I started freaking out b/c I couldn't feel my legs or my arms, I felt like I was about to faint or my heart explode and I could almost feel convulsions coming on. It was quite comical! I yelled “PULL over, PULL OVER!" Chrissy pulled over and was scared but still slap happy that she was laughing. I tore off my seat belt and opened the door and fell out of the car. I tried to walk around to allow my body to realize that it was more than a floating head. I leaned over and took huge deep breaths and then stood up and tried to soak in all the sunrise air I could. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't walk straight... and I'm sure the people passing on the highway thought, " Oh! Look at that funny drunk girl."
Twenty minutes later we were on the road again. I laid the seat back and tried to breathe deep as Chrissy & I got into Spokane. We stopped at Jack in the Box (open 24 hours a day and even served burgers at 7am!) and we ate in the car- huge burgers and big fries and lots of water b/c my body couldn't handle any more caffeine in pill or liquid form.
We went to her apartment in Spokane and switch vehicles. By 8 we were headed to Seattle- just 5 hours to go. Begin there by noon telling each other we could sleep in just 5 hours helped us to talk a little and keep each other awake. But I have this rare talent I discovered on this trip: I can fall asleep not only when others are talking, but while I'm talking! So I'm telling Chrissy this story and I fell asleep in the middle of it! Chrissy woke me up and we laughed really hard about that one. So she said she was good and she could probably drive a while if I did fall asleep. She reassured me she felt like she had energy. I fell asleep again and I woke up about an hour outside of Seattle- I had slept for about 2-3 hours. I told her I felt okay to drive so we traded and she slept until we got into Seattle limits. I woke her up and then she stayed awake as I drove and she told me directions to her house.
We finally arrived at her parents safe and sound and we came in and left all our stuff in the car. She said hi to her parents and we collapsed on her living room floor in a hard & fast sleep. We slept until 9pm and then we were completely awake. I called my relatives and told them I would go to church on Easter with Chrissy and then go to their place for Easter lunch/dinner. Around 10 we put in a movie and Chrissy could not fall asleep, but putting a movie in is like giving me sleeping pills if it’s after 10pm- even if I had just slept for 9 hours. I was out for the count and her parents were kind enough to let us sleep in and skip church- my first and only Easter Sunday I missed church.
She drove me to my cousin's place and then they drove me back to Chrissy's. We were finally getting back to normality. Sunday night we played games with her family & were having such a good time, leaving the next morning seemed to hard to accept, so Chrissy & I stayed all day Monday, spent the night and left Tuesday late afternoon for Spokane. Our classes that we skipped on Tuesday were worth the time to just rest and be in one place for more than 5 hours.
When we got to class Wednesday Morning people asked, "Where were you guys?"
" Oh, just on your average road trip." We winked at each other and sat in the back of class. Chrissy tried handing me something that appeared like a note. I reached under the table to grab it from her hand and when I brought it into my vision it was a solitary No Doze pill in its tiny white 1 inch by 1 inch wrapper. I mouthed to her, "Never again. Just say no."
I got up early that day- the sun must have woken me up. I had plenty of time before my 7:45 am class- let me tell you- that never happened! I checked my e-mail and on it there was one from a band list I got on in high school. They usually just listed the shows in Chicago since that's where I registered for it, but this one had B.U.C.K.'s full tour schedule for the summer. I looked just to see if there was by chance anything happening in Spokane- to no avail. The closest one: Boise, Idaho- an eight hour smelly (had to go through a factory town- to this day when ever I think of Boise, I think of rotting eggs), but beautiful drive- rolling rivers and beautiful cliffs. The concert was also on Good Friday- the very next day. No go- too soon, too far- I guess seeing Seth ( a band member from BUCK I knew pretty well when he was in a local band called Nifty Fifty) and hearing BUCK would have to wait. Seth & I had actually gone to Sadie Hawkins at a Chicago Fire (soccer) game in Chicago the May before. We weren't super close or anything, but it was pretty cool to be a close enough groupie to ask him to do that. And to have him say yes shot my pride up about 30 points (does anyone know how high the pride scale goes?) even though I wasn't interested in him like that. Oh well, I'll catch them back in Chicago later, I thought.
I got to school..." 7:43- two minutes to spare" I said to myself as I sat down. The sun was streaming in the classroom windows so powerfully that it warmed the entire place. The class was to go till 10- we would then break for chapel until 11 and then have 1 more hour of class from 11-12. The professor started in but everyone seemed to want to be outside- it was obvious to see that when even the professor couldn't concentrate.He said,
“I’ll make you a deal. Chapel is canceled today anyway since it’s the day before Good Friday. I will only take an hour of your time today if you all promise to spend the other 2 hours outside at some point enjoying the weather."
Instant smiles spread across the room in tsunami sized waves. "Deal?"
"DEAL!" the class exploded.
At 8:45 he let us go. I wanted to be with people- you can't just spend a day like this one alone. It was nearly Easter so any temperature that started with a 6 had people out in shorts rollerblading/biking, walking the dogs in the park instead of in a coat around the back yard, pushing strollers (you have to wonder where those babies disappear to all winter), and of course lots of pedestrians.I mentioned Spokane Park in a previous post and here I was again aching to be with friends outside in the park.
I called to Kenny in the hall- my dearest friend who usually worked and unsurprisingly he was getting ready again for another double shift at Perkins.
"Kenny its beautiful outside!""I know, and I have to spend 9 hours inside today wearing a black apron and bringing people their blue plate specials- but I get off at midnight and then I leave for home for Easter. Do you want to come with? Do you have a place to go for Easter?"
" Yeah, I am going to my cousins and aunt & uncle's place."
"Again?"
"Yeah, I don't get to see them too much."
"Well, when do you leave?"
"Ahh- probably tomorrow morning"
"Well, call me tonight, maybe you can come over and while I pack we could hang out."
"Okay, I will."
Chrissy had no class on Thursdays so I went home to try to contact her hoping she hadn't left to enjoy the day already.I called Chrissy and she didn't answer so I drove over to her place to see if she was still sleeping (after all it was only 9am).
Dorcas opened the door for me and said Chrissy was sleeping still so I went inside to see Chrissy lying in bed asleep. I climbed in her massive bed, sheets overcoming me and I was in heaven lying on Chrissy's big cloud-like duvet. She woke up from her half-stupor and said "Hi Haime!"
I stood on her bed, reached for the string on her blinds and pulled her blinds and the sun streamed in. I put on my sun glasses because it was so bright and to make my point.
"Go shower...Lets go to the park! It’s way to nice out to stay in here."
"Haime- I have homework."
"It’s Thursday and we have a 4 day weekend - do it tomorrow."
" Oh, Okay! You convinced me."
"It didn't take too much to do it!"
"Well, to be honest I woke up a little bit ago and really wanted to go to the park, so I'm glad you came over."
When she got ready we drove to the park and we met up with some of her other roommates and we saw some of the people from school there too just playing Frisbee and enjoying the day.Chrissy and I laid on blankets in the grass and read and talked. I started thinking about seeing BUCK again and told Chrissy.
" They are really going to be in Boise?" She asked.
"Yeah, tomorrow night."
" You want to go huh?"
" Yeah, it would be fun, but it's so far and it's too soon to change up plans."
" Do you still want to go to Seattle together so I can drop you off at your cousins?" (Chrissy's family was from the greater Seattle area as were my cousins so we drove together often when I went out there).
"Yeah that would be great." I responded.
"Well, what if we went to Boise and saw BUCK tomorrow and then drove back after?"
" You would go with me all the way there? It’s like an 7 hour drive one way!"
" Haime, we're in school, we will never again get a chance to do this together- let's just go for it."
" REALLY? Then, YES, let's go for it!"I
Simultaneously, "ROAD TRIP!"
I started planning out loud in one long run on sentence in one breath, "I get off work tonight at 9 and could be ready to go by 10- we'll get to Boise at 5am-then We could take my car and drive to Boise tonight and get a hotel room in Boise at 5 to sleep and then get ready for the concert Friday night.After the concert we could drive straight back to Spokane by 5 am again if the concert is over by 10 and then sleep a little- an hour or so- in Spokane, switch my car for your car and then drive to Seattle- getting us there by noon or 1. Then we could really sleep at your parents place and then you could drive me to my relatives for Easter morning. Pick me back up that evening at 10ish, I'll come back to your place to sleep that night and then mid afternoon on Monday we can head back to Spokane."
"What ever you said," Chrissy said. We ran to our car, got a map and planned our route. Then we went to Perkins to say hi to Kenny, tell him our plan so he knew that I couldn't hang out after he got off and then we helped each other pack. I went to work with a smile on my face and time could not pass fast enough. It was really slow so I asked to go home early and they let me off. I called Chrissy, she zoomed over and we were gone by 9!Then it hit us- the lengthy drive. About 2am every ounce of energy and adrenaline rushed right out of my body. Chrissy felt it too. About 2:30 we decide it was neither safe nor good for us try to drive the rest of the way. So we found the next small town and a totally new/re-modeled Super 8. I think it was like 60 bucks- $ 30 a piece. I asked the desk guy half joking, “Can we get a discount since we are only using the room half as long as everyone else. It’s already 2:30am and we have to be out by..." I looked around the check in area and found a sign that said check out time was 11am. I grabbed it and pointed at the 11am time and said, “Out by 11am." He smiled and laughed.
He said, "Tell ya what- I'll give it to you for $50 and give a check out time of 1pm."
" Great!" we said. We made our way to our room down the hall and he said, “Oh the pool & hot tub are open 24 hours a day."
"Thanks." We ran to the room- it was really nice and we crashed on the beds. We set the alarm for 10am- enough time to really sleep and get in the hot tub in the morning and then shower and get ready to drive the rest of the way- just in time to get to the concert venue by 6pm.We did exactly that and even got to Boise by 4pm- 2 hours to kill. We had dinner somewhere and then walked all over Boise- for it begin the capitol city and Friday night, not too much was happening. The streets were pretty empty- all in all Boise is not too exciting even the shopping area was minimal and closed by 5.
I said to Chrissy, "We should probably go drive to the venue so we actually know where it is- that way we don't get lost and miss the whole thing and come down here for nothing.We did- we drove and did get turned around- we got there about 5:30 and I said, well I'm sure BUCK is here by now, we can probably go in and find Seth and surprise him. We spotted the "BUCK-mobile" and went to the front door where a large bouncer that really belonged at a Metallica concert and not a Christian ska concert waited.
I approached him and said, “Hi. I know the singer in BUCK and I was wondering..."
He cut me off and laughed, “Yeah, sure you do...So does everybody."
I laughed, "I really do- you can ask him...His name is Seth and..."
" Are you on the guest list?"
" Well, no, but I'm from Chicago- I know him from home- it’s kind of a surprise I'm here"
Mr. Big Bouncer said, "Well I guess the surprise will just have to wait."
I was frustrated, but I understood- I wouldn't have let me in either. I asked the bouncer if we could stand at the door at least. He responded positively, so there we stood.
Just then Seth walked by the door way but didn't look our direction, so I took a chance, “Seth!" I said loudly. He turned around and looked at me. Pause.
“Jamie! Hey, what the heck are you doing here?!" as he ran over by the door and gave me a big hug. The bouncer looked stunned- absolutely stunned.
I looked at Seth pointing at the bouncer who was standing so close I could tell what he had for breakfast, “He thought I was making it up." Seth turned to the bouncer, kept his arm around me and to Mr.Big Bouncer, " If you could let them in now, that would be great- they are with me."
The bouncer lowered his tree trunk sized arm and let us through, still speechless.The evening went better than planned. Seth sat with us until the sound check and then even during he first band. He dedicated a song to Chrissy and me and introduced us to members of the band. They wanted to all go out afterward. Sadly, Chrissy & I were really on a tight schedule so we had to turn them down, but we did have a little time to talk after the show. So we did. It was already 11 and we had to get going. We hugged and headed back out onto the open road.About 12:30 am tiredness set in again. We stopped to get coffee and it helped as we sang at the top of our lungs- for about an hour. Then the windows came down and blew cold air in our faces and that helped too...For about 30 minutes. We were fading but we could not stop- we had to get back- but we wanted to do so alive.
The next town had a very well lit gas station that was like a Super gas station- the ones families love to stop at on trips. It was really well lit, clean sparkly bathrooms, isles of snack foods and tons of coffee bar amenities. We went in and got more coffee and "no doze". Neither of us had ever taken it before but other people did at school for all-nighters. We bought enough for 4 pills each. The guy wouldn't have given them to us unless we were 18. I had just had my birthday, so I showed of my ID with a smile. I guess it was sort of drug like and we were buy 8 pills. So there we went- ladies of the night.
It was about 3 and we took a pill- waiting like frogs to turn into princesses of night vision automatically. No such luck. It was so slow in working it seemed to be working backwards. We took another at 3:30. The pouch said no more than 1 in an 8 hour period. At that point Chrissy seemed good to go. I, on the other hand, was still struggling 2 hours later at 5am. I took a 3rd and then felt very high on life. We were giddy and you think the whole car was filled with the gas at the dentist's office. It wore off again really fast- 6am is approaching and Chrissy asked for another (her 3rd) and I had just taken my 4th pill in 4 hours. We were finally approaching the Spokane city limits and I started freaking out b/c I couldn't feel my legs or my arms, I felt like I was about to faint or my heart explode and I could almost feel convulsions coming on. It was quite comical! I yelled “PULL over, PULL OVER!" Chrissy pulled over and was scared but still slap happy that she was laughing. I tore off my seat belt and opened the door and fell out of the car. I tried to walk around to allow my body to realize that it was more than a floating head. I leaned over and took huge deep breaths and then stood up and tried to soak in all the sunrise air I could. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't walk straight... and I'm sure the people passing on the highway thought, " Oh! Look at that funny drunk girl."
Twenty minutes later we were on the road again. I laid the seat back and tried to breathe deep as Chrissy & I got into Spokane. We stopped at Jack in the Box (open 24 hours a day and even served burgers at 7am!) and we ate in the car- huge burgers and big fries and lots of water b/c my body couldn't handle any more caffeine in pill or liquid form.
We went to her apartment in Spokane and switch vehicles. By 8 we were headed to Seattle- just 5 hours to go. Begin there by noon telling each other we could sleep in just 5 hours helped us to talk a little and keep each other awake. But I have this rare talent I discovered on this trip: I can fall asleep not only when others are talking, but while I'm talking! So I'm telling Chrissy this story and I fell asleep in the middle of it! Chrissy woke me up and we laughed really hard about that one. So she said she was good and she could probably drive a while if I did fall asleep. She reassured me she felt like she had energy. I fell asleep again and I woke up about an hour outside of Seattle- I had slept for about 2-3 hours. I told her I felt okay to drive so we traded and she slept until we got into Seattle limits. I woke her up and then she stayed awake as I drove and she told me directions to her house.
We finally arrived at her parents safe and sound and we came in and left all our stuff in the car. She said hi to her parents and we collapsed on her living room floor in a hard & fast sleep. We slept until 9pm and then we were completely awake. I called my relatives and told them I would go to church on Easter with Chrissy and then go to their place for Easter lunch/dinner. Around 10 we put in a movie and Chrissy could not fall asleep, but putting a movie in is like giving me sleeping pills if it’s after 10pm- even if I had just slept for 9 hours. I was out for the count and her parents were kind enough to let us sleep in and skip church- my first and only Easter Sunday I missed church.
She drove me to my cousin's place and then they drove me back to Chrissy's. We were finally getting back to normality. Sunday night we played games with her family & were having such a good time, leaving the next morning seemed to hard to accept, so Chrissy & I stayed all day Monday, spent the night and left Tuesday late afternoon for Spokane. Our classes that we skipped on Tuesday were worth the time to just rest and be in one place for more than 5 hours.
When we got to class Wednesday Morning people asked, "Where were you guys?"
" Oh, just on your average road trip." We winked at each other and sat in the back of class. Chrissy tried handing me something that appeared like a note. I reached under the table to grab it from her hand and when I brought it into my vision it was a solitary No Doze pill in its tiny white 1 inch by 1 inch wrapper. I mouthed to her, "Never again. Just say no."
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
My Super Hero
Your results:
You are Superman
You are Superman
| You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others. |
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Memories of Spokane-Funny Story #4
It was Saturday morning and very, very early. To a college student that means 8am for Saturdays.
The phone rang and at first I thought it was my alarm- trying to hit it with both eyes closed is a trick I learned really well during my first year... So when I smacked it and it didn't stop I woke and realized it was the phone. I thought, it must be my dad- its 10am in Chicago and there is no one here who would call me this early on a Saturday. I would just let the answering machine get it. The voice on the phone was familiar and male, but it wasn't my dad.
"Hi Jamie, Its Derek..." I got up to grab it because Derek would never call for no reason at 8am on a Saturday.
"Derek?"
" hey yeah, you are home. How are you?"
"good...::clear throat:: and you Derek?"
"um okay."
Long pause.
"Are you sure you are okay?" I asked.
Derek chimed in non chalantly "yeah, my house is on fire though."
"WHAT!" I said. "Derek, are you okay? Do you want to come over?"
"Yeah, that would be good."
" I'll come pick you up right now."
Apparently there was some sort of electrical wiring fire and when Derek woke up that morning at 5am there was a cloud of white haze around him. He got out and called the police and then me from a pay phone after they arrived adn things calmed down (Cell phones were not so much used in Spokane in '99).
Derek came over & told me how he felt. I was still in my pajamas so I showered and found Derek asleep on my couch when I came out. I left him a note and a key (which he kept and used frequently after that- that is another blog entry though) and said he could use the towels in the closet to shower if he wanted and if he wanted to go check out his place ( it was within a mile form mine-so walkable) and it still wasn't smoke free he could always come back to our place and watch tv or sleep or rest.
I went out on some errands found Chrissy and told her about it. Marti, Derek's roommate was gone that weekend so he had no idea. After I came back I walked into my living room and saw Derek was off the couch. I was headed to the bathroom, about to open the door and out walks Derek in just my butterfly towel all smiley and smelling fresh. I was so glad he walked out when he did- I could have seen a lot more of that boy.
I cooked spaghetti for us and we had lunch then I drove him to his place- he said "bye" but I knew he didn't really want to be there after that. I said, "get some stuff, you aren't staying here tonight."
I believe we went to the Kisman's house that night for a movie and pizza- (pretty frequent tradition- Aladdin and Papa John's) and after talking about it for a while, we ( about 10 of us who were over and the Kisman kids (my classmates) decided to sleep outside under the stars on the patch of grass outside their house. We woke up in the morning and went to our respective houses to shower for church- Derek stayed at the Kisman's- not just for a shower but from that day on. And when Marti got home that Sunday, he was also welcomed at the Kismans and stayed until summer.
I love that community...I long for it again.
The phone rang and at first I thought it was my alarm- trying to hit it with both eyes closed is a trick I learned really well during my first year... So when I smacked it and it didn't stop I woke and realized it was the phone. I thought, it must be my dad- its 10am in Chicago and there is no one here who would call me this early on a Saturday. I would just let the answering machine get it. The voice on the phone was familiar and male, but it wasn't my dad.
"Hi Jamie, Its Derek..." I got up to grab it because Derek would never call for no reason at 8am on a Saturday.
"Derek?"
" hey yeah, you are home. How are you?"
"good...::clear throat:: and you Derek?"
"um okay."
Long pause.
"Are you sure you are okay?" I asked.
Derek chimed in non chalantly "yeah, my house is on fire though."
"WHAT!" I said. "Derek, are you okay? Do you want to come over?"
"Yeah, that would be good."
" I'll come pick you up right now."
Apparently there was some sort of electrical wiring fire and when Derek woke up that morning at 5am there was a cloud of white haze around him. He got out and called the police and then me from a pay phone after they arrived adn things calmed down (Cell phones were not so much used in Spokane in '99).
Derek came over & told me how he felt. I was still in my pajamas so I showered and found Derek asleep on my couch when I came out. I left him a note and a key (which he kept and used frequently after that- that is another blog entry though) and said he could use the towels in the closet to shower if he wanted and if he wanted to go check out his place ( it was within a mile form mine-so walkable) and it still wasn't smoke free he could always come back to our place and watch tv or sleep or rest.
I went out on some errands found Chrissy and told her about it. Marti, Derek's roommate was gone that weekend so he had no idea. After I came back I walked into my living room and saw Derek was off the couch. I was headed to the bathroom, about to open the door and out walks Derek in just my butterfly towel all smiley and smelling fresh. I was so glad he walked out when he did- I could have seen a lot more of that boy.
I cooked spaghetti for us and we had lunch then I drove him to his place- he said "bye" but I knew he didn't really want to be there after that. I said, "get some stuff, you aren't staying here tonight."
I believe we went to the Kisman's house that night for a movie and pizza- (pretty frequent tradition- Aladdin and Papa John's) and after talking about it for a while, we ( about 10 of us who were over and the Kisman kids (my classmates) decided to sleep outside under the stars on the patch of grass outside their house. We woke up in the morning and went to our respective houses to shower for church- Derek stayed at the Kisman's- not just for a shower but from that day on. And when Marti got home that Sunday, he was also welcomed at the Kismans and stayed until summer.
I love that community...I long for it again.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Working for the Lord?
Something another member of my office said today made my head want to blow up and made my heart feel pain...
The uninformed, ignorant thought she spurted out went something like this...
" You know those people are real missionaries- they actually suffered...missionaries today are so comfortable- they have running water. The good old days with Hudson Taylor and with Elizabeth Elliot- those people were REAL missionaries." And no, I didn't misunderstand her, she went on this tangent for a good 5 minutes.
WHAT???
Does anyone else see a problem with this? Is this what people actually think? I feel like giving up.
Here are a few arguments:
1- Christianity is a call to suffer- its not just for missionaries and its not just for pastors- Jesus calls us to pick up our cross and follow him. Her definition of suffering then is not all inclusive- her definition would leave all Christians homeless, living in tents with...no running water. She has a multi level condo. This is a bad an uninformed definition of suffering.
2-If we have a missionary that goes to Europe in down town London to reach the Muslim population that lives there and that person lives in a dump with little to no food and no hair cuts or soap, how well do you think a dirty looking person will do to witness to these Muslims who look at Christians like they are unintelligent and incompetent when it comes to spiritual matters? Not only that, we all judge on appearance. Paul's principle rings true here- "To the Jews I became as a Jew, to the Romans a Roman..." If you want to reach the Wudoni, you become like a Wudoni (the original name for the tribe that outsiders called them was Auca Indians- Auca is a harsh word used meaning "naked savage"- The Wudoni's prefer you say Wudoni- because of Christ, they may be a little naked, but they are no longer savages :) )
3- The missionaries she mentioned didn't have running water because it wasn't available to them. If the Wudoni tribe had running water I'm sure Elizabeth Elliot would have been the first to use it. If you move cross culturally to a city you have to live with those people- you have to dress (without testing biblical limits of modesty) and learn the lingo and the jokes and how they decorate if you ever want to be submerged into the culture.
I guess we all have places in our lives where we lack knowledge and times when we all speak a little too quickly. One day when the curtain raises and the full glory of the Lord is revealed to all his creation we'll all know. But until that day she'll live in ignorance and I'll play the fool.
The uninformed, ignorant thought she spurted out went something like this...
" You know those people are real missionaries- they actually suffered...missionaries today are so comfortable- they have running water. The good old days with Hudson Taylor and with Elizabeth Elliot- those people were REAL missionaries." And no, I didn't misunderstand her, she went on this tangent for a good 5 minutes.
WHAT???
Does anyone else see a problem with this? Is this what people actually think? I feel like giving up.
Here are a few arguments:
1- Christianity is a call to suffer- its not just for missionaries and its not just for pastors- Jesus calls us to pick up our cross and follow him. Her definition of suffering then is not all inclusive- her definition would leave all Christians homeless, living in tents with...no running water. She has a multi level condo. This is a bad an uninformed definition of suffering.
2-If we have a missionary that goes to Europe in down town London to reach the Muslim population that lives there and that person lives in a dump with little to no food and no hair cuts or soap, how well do you think a dirty looking person will do to witness to these Muslims who look at Christians like they are unintelligent and incompetent when it comes to spiritual matters? Not only that, we all judge on appearance. Paul's principle rings true here- "To the Jews I became as a Jew, to the Romans a Roman..." If you want to reach the Wudoni, you become like a Wudoni (the original name for the tribe that outsiders called them was Auca Indians- Auca is a harsh word used meaning "naked savage"- The Wudoni's prefer you say Wudoni- because of Christ, they may be a little naked, but they are no longer savages :) )
3- The missionaries she mentioned didn't have running water because it wasn't available to them. If the Wudoni tribe had running water I'm sure Elizabeth Elliot would have been the first to use it. If you move cross culturally to a city you have to live with those people- you have to dress (without testing biblical limits of modesty) and learn the lingo and the jokes and how they decorate if you ever want to be submerged into the culture.
I guess we all have places in our lives where we lack knowledge and times when we all speak a little too quickly. One day when the curtain raises and the full glory of the Lord is revealed to all his creation we'll all know. But until that day she'll live in ignorance and I'll play the fool.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Beach balls & Easter?
I was enraged when I heard, now it just makes me sad...
A lady at work told me that Easter was great, they had hundreds walk down the isle to accept Christ at her local mega church. Then she went on to say that her Pastor had the church officials/helpers bring in a ton of beachballs. He told his congregation- I wanted to bring these beachballs out to you first- timers today so that you couldn't say, " That one time that I went to church- it was BORING."
So...out they came, beachball after beachball. People batting them around bouncing all over the sanctuary.
WE HAVE MISSED IT!!!
The gospel doesn't work because of us, it works inspite of us. We don't need to dress up the gospel or make it relevant or fun. We aren't selling anything- its the Holy Spirit who changes us and convicts us and makes us desire holiness.
Here are some of Derek Webb's words that echo what I'm talking about- these are lyrics from a song called "Ballad in Plain Red" on his album " I see things upside down"
i’m robbing peter, i’m paying paul
i’m changing my name back to saul
i got to them and you know i’ll get to you
i’m turning shepherds into sheep and leaders into celebrities
it’s holy sabotage, just look around you
chorus‘cause everything’s for sale in the 21st centuryand the check is in the mail from the 21st century don’t want the song i want a jingle
i love you Lord but don’t hear a single
and the truth is nearly impossible to rhyme
but i know the songs with all the hooks
and i know some lies that will sell some books
so grab ‘em fast, i’m running outta time
just keep selling truth in candy bars
on billboards and backs of cars
truth without context, my favorite of all my crimes
chorus bridge what works verses what's right
hey what's the difference tonight?
take out the sign, forget the meal
we’ve got a gym and a farris wheel
i swear it's just like the country club down the block
‘cause you can make your life look good
you can do what Jesus would
but you’d be surprised what you can do with a hard heart
chorus tag
i think you’ve got trouble in the 21st century
so welcome to the struggle, it’s the 21st century
i never thought i’d make it to the 21st century
Lord, i love the 21st century
i write these words from the grave
‘cause it’s the only place that i’m safe
and only the dead are permitted to speak the truth
AMEN!
A lady at work told me that Easter was great, they had hundreds walk down the isle to accept Christ at her local mega church. Then she went on to say that her Pastor had the church officials/helpers bring in a ton of beachballs. He told his congregation- I wanted to bring these beachballs out to you first- timers today so that you couldn't say, " That one time that I went to church- it was BORING."
So...out they came, beachball after beachball. People batting them around bouncing all over the sanctuary.
WE HAVE MISSED IT!!!
The gospel doesn't work because of us, it works inspite of us. We don't need to dress up the gospel or make it relevant or fun. We aren't selling anything- its the Holy Spirit who changes us and convicts us and makes us desire holiness.
Here are some of Derek Webb's words that echo what I'm talking about- these are lyrics from a song called "Ballad in Plain Red" on his album " I see things upside down"
i’m robbing peter, i’m paying paul
i’m changing my name back to saul
i got to them and you know i’ll get to you
i’m turning shepherds into sheep and leaders into celebrities
it’s holy sabotage, just look around you
chorus‘cause everything’s for sale in the 21st centuryand the check is in the mail from the 21st century don’t want the song i want a jingle
i love you Lord but don’t hear a single
and the truth is nearly impossible to rhyme
but i know the songs with all the hooks
and i know some lies that will sell some books
so grab ‘em fast, i’m running outta time
just keep selling truth in candy bars
on billboards and backs of cars
truth without context, my favorite of all my crimes
chorus bridge what works verses what's right
hey what's the difference tonight?
take out the sign, forget the meal
we’ve got a gym and a farris wheel
i swear it's just like the country club down the block
‘cause you can make your life look good
you can do what Jesus would
but you’d be surprised what you can do with a hard heart
chorus tag
i think you’ve got trouble in the 21st century
so welcome to the struggle, it’s the 21st century
i never thought i’d make it to the 21st century
Lord, i love the 21st century
i write these words from the grave
‘cause it’s the only place that i’m safe
and only the dead are permitted to speak the truth
AMEN!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Letter to a friend recently- just having some fun :)
Hey Bek,
No, its no problem... understand- its not like you can call me from Prague! Have fun with the friends! I know its going to be complicated when I leave for Aussie and the time thing is totally weird. I imagine some days we'll be having early morning hour convos :) And then I'll fly to Vienna to be in your wedding in like 3 years. You'll have a couple kids -I'll marry a guy named "Fleck" a few years later- our kids will be crazy fun and start the new hippie faze ( not the no bra wearing kind- but they will call it Hippy b/c that word will be trendy again by the time our kids will be 18) across Australia & The Pacific. News will get to you that my kids are revolutionaries and you will join them in their fight for a new way of thinking. At first George, your husband, will seem perturbed by the whole thing, but then, oh my...watch out- He will change his name to "Sky" and then later bring the revolution to Germany. Your oldest daughter and my youngest son, who will only be 4 years apart will get married to each other when they are in their late 20's. Everyone will collaborate in our combined family and want to bring this new wave to the states. When we all fly back (with one grandchild, I might add) to the states we see that the revolution has already spread to 49 of the 50 states so we all move to Nebraska ( the one left out state) to open a fishing store. It closes down, b/c there aren't really lakes or rivers in Nebraska and , well, we should have thought about that before making such a big entrepreneurial maneuver. After days of hitch hiking I get killed on the side of the road b/c a tractor mowing a field 100 yards out form the road we are hitchhiking on in Nebraska flicked a rock up from under his tractor and it hit me square in the forehead. I would tell you the rest of the story, but I died then, so I don't know what happened next. Okay- my imagination has been running wild- that was fun. If you want to finish the story, feel free! I'd like to know how it ends.
Saturday morning-ish is good...talk to you then :)Love ya,Jamie
No, its no problem... understand- its not like you can call me from Prague! Have fun with the friends! I know its going to be complicated when I leave for Aussie and the time thing is totally weird. I imagine some days we'll be having early morning hour convos :) And then I'll fly to Vienna to be in your wedding in like 3 years. You'll have a couple kids -I'll marry a guy named "Fleck" a few years later- our kids will be crazy fun and start the new hippie faze ( not the no bra wearing kind- but they will call it Hippy b/c that word will be trendy again by the time our kids will be 18) across Australia & The Pacific. News will get to you that my kids are revolutionaries and you will join them in their fight for a new way of thinking. At first George, your husband, will seem perturbed by the whole thing, but then, oh my...watch out- He will change his name to "Sky" and then later bring the revolution to Germany. Your oldest daughter and my youngest son, who will only be 4 years apart will get married to each other when they are in their late 20's. Everyone will collaborate in our combined family and want to bring this new wave to the states. When we all fly back (with one grandchild, I might add) to the states we see that the revolution has already spread to 49 of the 50 states so we all move to Nebraska ( the one left out state) to open a fishing store. It closes down, b/c there aren't really lakes or rivers in Nebraska and , well, we should have thought about that before making such a big entrepreneurial maneuver. After days of hitch hiking I get killed on the side of the road b/c a tractor mowing a field 100 yards out form the road we are hitchhiking on in Nebraska flicked a rock up from under his tractor and it hit me square in the forehead. I would tell you the rest of the story, but I died then, so I don't know what happened next. Okay- my imagination has been running wild- that was fun. If you want to finish the story, feel free! I'd like to know how it ends.
Saturday morning-ish is good...talk to you then :)Love ya,Jamie
Monday, April 10, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 3
A small lamp was given to Tara and me when we moved in. It was pretty hideous. It had a gold trimmed smoked white glass shade and a brass base and little dangly fake crystals all over it. Marla (our landlady- she looked like a Marla) asked if we needed anything else besides the pots & pans, silverware and beds/mattresses she loaned us. She was quite generous. We told her we needed some lighting, but not to worry about it. She was gracious and said " nonsense!" I will bring some over tomorrow. The next day we walked in and found the aforementioned lamp in our living room on an end table.
I thought to myself, is she allowed to come in with out us here? I was only 18 at the time and had no idea about laws- and I think she knew that. Tara and I were very young. After we saw the lamp we erupted in laughter. Tara opened the hall closet door with out saying a word- and with her nonverbal cue, I grabbed the lamp and put it on the top shelf in the closet. Tara closed the door.
The weeks and months went on... The lamp got further and further to the back of the top shelf in closet.
Its probably February and we have a message from dear old Marla on the machine. In a shaky old lady voice,"Hi girls. Ummm, I will come by to get the rent from you tomorrow and I noticed you weren't using the lamp I lent you. I will come by to get that as well."
Tara got the message before me, but left me a note saying, "I saved the blinking message for you. I saved it as new- you have to hear it- t'bone[ the nick name Tara gave herself]" .
I listed to it and began to laugh and roll my eyes.
The next day we were both home when Marla came over to get the checks. We were just sitting down to have dinner and she knocked. Tara let her in and she handed her her check. The phone rang and Tara went to grab it and said while she was running down the hall to grab it, " We'll get the lamp for you in a second." I was still in my bedroom writing down the check amount on my balance sheets and was on my way to the living room while Tara continued telling the sales person on the phone that she did not want any make-up.
As I came out of my bedroom to hand Marla my check for the month, I swore I heard a door close. When I finally made my way to the living room, I saw Marla there, lamp in hand.
Hmmmm, that's odd, It didn't sound like from the conversation that Tara already handed her the lamp, I thought to myself.
Tara came out from the kitchen to the living room she saw Marla there with the lamp, assuming I had given it to her already.
Marla left. I looked at Tara with gigantic eyeballs. " Did YOU give her the lamp?"
Tara, looked at me with a look that said, what do you know that I don't know?
She replied, "no, I thought you gave it to her."
"No, I didn't give it to her."
We concluded that this curious lady found her way into our apartment when we weren't there and snooped so much that she found the lamp in the back of our closet! I wonder what else she found in the apartment while trying to snoop.
Cheers to the Marlas of this world.
I thought to myself, is she allowed to come in with out us here? I was only 18 at the time and had no idea about laws- and I think she knew that. Tara and I were very young. After we saw the lamp we erupted in laughter. Tara opened the hall closet door with out saying a word- and with her nonverbal cue, I grabbed the lamp and put it on the top shelf in the closet. Tara closed the door.
The weeks and months went on... The lamp got further and further to the back of the top shelf in closet.
Its probably February and we have a message from dear old Marla on the machine. In a shaky old lady voice,"Hi girls. Ummm, I will come by to get the rent from you tomorrow and I noticed you weren't using the lamp I lent you. I will come by to get that as well."
Tara got the message before me, but left me a note saying, "I saved the blinking message for you. I saved it as new- you have to hear it- t'bone[ the nick name Tara gave herself]" .
I listed to it and began to laugh and roll my eyes.
The next day we were both home when Marla came over to get the checks. We were just sitting down to have dinner and she knocked. Tara let her in and she handed her her check. The phone rang and Tara went to grab it and said while she was running down the hall to grab it, " We'll get the lamp for you in a second." I was still in my bedroom writing down the check amount on my balance sheets and was on my way to the living room while Tara continued telling the sales person on the phone that she did not want any make-up.
As I came out of my bedroom to hand Marla my check for the month, I swore I heard a door close. When I finally made my way to the living room, I saw Marla there, lamp in hand.
Hmmmm, that's odd, It didn't sound like from the conversation that Tara already handed her the lamp, I thought to myself.
Tara came out from the kitchen to the living room she saw Marla there with the lamp, assuming I had given it to her already.
Marla left. I looked at Tara with gigantic eyeballs. " Did YOU give her the lamp?"
Tara, looked at me with a look that said, what do you know that I don't know?
She replied, "no, I thought you gave it to her."
"No, I didn't give it to her."
We concluded that this curious lady found her way into our apartment when we weren't there and snooped so much that she found the lamp in the back of our closet! I wonder what else she found in the apartment while trying to snoop.
Cheers to the Marlas of this world.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 2
There are a few things that are different between a "small city" and a "large one"...
Suzanne, Dorcas ( yes that's her real name), and Tara, the aforementioned roommate, decided to have a night out on the town before school started. It was the second day of orientation and these girls who just wanted to have some fun had the weekend ahead of them. Where should we go- the inevitable dilemma of foreigners. Suzanne told us to get in her big van she had driven up from Texas. The way she drove around Spokane was like she had been a cab driver there for years. I was jealous ( see Spokane Memories- Funny Story # 1). We drove to Spokane Park to get a feel for the local life.
Spokane Park is no ordinary park. Waterfalls, a carousel, bumper cars in the summer, iceskating in the winter, acres of rolling hills and green trees, a Big-Ben-esque clock tower, vendors selling t-shirts and cotton candy, a football stadium sized lake, and swans and ducks to boot. If you are ever in Spokane, go to the park- you can even ride a gondola!
We parked, got out of the van and started to explore what would become one of our favorite spots in the city. It was long after dark so most of everything was closed. I can't remember talking a whole lot, but for being with people I had just met, I laughed so much I wiggled.
After an hour of the park we decided to walk around "down town." The very thought of calling it "down town" made me giggle. You call this down town?
I had strong allegiances to Chicago even though I had never lived there before (I was born and bred a suburban).
Tara, who also had grown up in the suburbs of Chicago gave Spokane a better chance than I did. Dorcas grew up as an MK (Missionary kid) in Japan, so America never felt quite right from the beginning, and Suzanne grew up near Houston so she could see where I was coming from, but not completely. Suzanne pulled into a lot to park her big van. " What are you doing Suzanne?!" I said shocked. " What?" she said. " You are pulling into a parking lot? What are you a millionaire?" I sarcastically remarked. Suzanne said, "This isn't Chicago- its not going to be that much- calm down."
I couldn't believe my eyes. My lids rose inside my head causing my jaw to drop right below my knees. "$2?!!!" I screamed." Wow! Two dollars an hour." Suzanne tapped me on the shoulder while I was putting my eyes back in my head and said, " Actually I think that's for the whole day."
" WOW!" it's all I could say. Well, that and, "And they call this a city- they don't even know how to rob people blindly for parking."
Suzanne, Dorcas ( yes that's her real name), and Tara, the aforementioned roommate, decided to have a night out on the town before school started. It was the second day of orientation and these girls who just wanted to have some fun had the weekend ahead of them. Where should we go- the inevitable dilemma of foreigners. Suzanne told us to get in her big van she had driven up from Texas. The way she drove around Spokane was like she had been a cab driver there for years. I was jealous ( see Spokane Memories- Funny Story # 1). We drove to Spokane Park to get a feel for the local life.
Spokane Park is no ordinary park. Waterfalls, a carousel, bumper cars in the summer, iceskating in the winter, acres of rolling hills and green trees, a Big-Ben-esque clock tower, vendors selling t-shirts and cotton candy, a football stadium sized lake, and swans and ducks to boot. If you are ever in Spokane, go to the park- you can even ride a gondola!
We parked, got out of the van and started to explore what would become one of our favorite spots in the city. It was long after dark so most of everything was closed. I can't remember talking a whole lot, but for being with people I had just met, I laughed so much I wiggled.
After an hour of the park we decided to walk around "down town." The very thought of calling it "down town" made me giggle. You call this down town?
I had strong allegiances to Chicago even though I had never lived there before (I was born and bred a suburban).
Tara, who also had grown up in the suburbs of Chicago gave Spokane a better chance than I did. Dorcas grew up as an MK (Missionary kid) in Japan, so America never felt quite right from the beginning, and Suzanne grew up near Houston so she could see where I was coming from, but not completely. Suzanne pulled into a lot to park her big van. " What are you doing Suzanne?!" I said shocked. " What?" she said. " You are pulling into a parking lot? What are you a millionaire?" I sarcastically remarked. Suzanne said, "This isn't Chicago- its not going to be that much- calm down."
I couldn't believe my eyes. My lids rose inside my head causing my jaw to drop right below my knees. "$2?!!!" I screamed." Wow! Two dollars an hour." Suzanne tapped me on the shoulder while I was putting my eyes back in my head and said, " Actually I think that's for the whole day."
" WOW!" it's all I could say. Well, that and, "And they call this a city- they don't even know how to rob people blindly for parking."
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Memories of Spokane- Funny Story # 1
"It is so dark in here. Where is the switch?" I felt along the wall and finally found a switch, but since I just moved in nothing was plugged in yet. I found my way to the kitchen, opened the fridge and used that light as a way to find my way to where I had put the lamps. I realized the blinds were closed once the fridge illuminated my path so I opened them for some light- but the sun was getting ready to set already.
I plugged a lamp in but I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed...I thought I HAD to get it done- I had to be ready and have my home ready. Tara, my roommate to be was coming in 2 days and I wanted as much as possible set up...
I had just gotten back from dropping my brother off in Seattle to catch a flight because he helped drive me out to this crazy place where all the roads were strange. After driving all the way cross -country, dropping all of my earthly possessions off at my new place we slept on the floor and rose early to get him to the airport. I dropped him off at SEATAC, had lunch with some cousins I hadn't seen in years and then headed right back for Spokane- another 6 hours! I managed to get my way back to my apartment somehow- I must have messed up a couple times- 7 years later I can't remember but I do remember the fresh smell of paint in the hall as I opened up the apartment.
Where to begin? I had so much to do. It was 6:3o pm and I wanted to get some groceries before it was completely dark. I grabbed my keys and my purse got in my car ready to go and I started driving.
"So...Where is a grocery store? Hmmm."
I stopped the car to think before I got too far down Shannon Rd- my street. I figured- a pretty big city- there has to be one somewhere...I'll just drive down the main drag and go a couple miles- surely I will find something! Boy was I wrong!
I drove for 20 minutes down the street and thought I saw something that resembled a grocery store so I tried to turn around but all of a sudden I was on a one way street that was separating from the street I was just on. I started heading in another direction. I looked at street signs and I was on Division, but now I was on Ruby- "How did this happen?" I turned around and tried to find my way back. Well I'll drive the other way down Indiana....I turned right and went west for a good 20 minutes. It started to get dark and all of a sudden I was driving on the edge of a road overlooking some huge river and the other side was houses. I turned around again and thought sure If I had just gone a little farther before on the other road- stuck it out a little longer, maybe I would have found something eventually- after all, it wasn't just houses- there were businesses. I turned around and before I passed my apartment again, I stopped at a gas station by my apartment and asked directions. I went in embarrassed so I looked around for something to buy so I didn't look too desperate. I asked the attendant with gum in my hand, but a nosy town's person felt like he had the authority to answer it better. It looked like he had lived in Spokane his whole life so I listened to him.
" Oh Sure sweetie- just go back the way you were headed," (Okay, how does he know where I was coming from- first scary thought. And Why did he call me sweetie? Second scary thought) ," and turn right on Nevada".
Its not too far.
"Okay thanks... " Now should I stop at another gas station where scary man who knew where I came from wasn't there, or should I trust him? So I continued up Division and it turned into a one way named Ruby again....Oh boy. I went as far as I did last time and 10 minutes further. No luck- It's 9pm! Where is the stupid store!?! I stopped again.
" Excuse me. Where is the closest grocery store? Or where is Nevada? I've been driving down this one way for ages and I can't find it. "
The lady smiled and said, " New to town?"
I'm thinking, "No, I'm pulling your leg, I know my way around Spokane I just do this for fun on Friday nights." So I said "yes."
She said, "Dear..." ( Why do people call you pet names- dear and sweetie in Spokane so much? hmmmm.) "Dear, Nevada is parallel to this street. You need to go east on the next road and you will hit Nevada."
Okay....
So I turned my car around (again- pretty soon I'm going to need one of these gas stations)
and drive all the way back to Indiana- another street I lived near where I first asked for directions. I went east on Indiana and looked for "Nevada."
I drove 3 blocks and I didn't find Nevada, but I did find a grocery store. "FINALLY Hallelujah!" So I went in shopped for the essentials- TP- Cat food, ground beef, milk, pasta noodles. I'm in the check out 30 minutes later- almost 10pm.
While in line I ask the lady," Out of curiosity Where is Nevada Rd?"
The lady looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
" Are you new in town?"
" Geesh do I have a sign on me or something? And why does everyone state the obvious around here???" I thought to myself.
She smiled at my look of curiosity at her mind blowing observation.
"Well, Honey ..." ( Here we go again)
" If you continue with this road that you are on and go 20 minutes North- this street will turn into Nevada.
She almost stepped back from the bright light illumination above my head. Ahhhh--- that man who said turn on Nevada actually meant Hamilton because they are the same road! How was I supposed to know that. As she is telling me my total I see a map of Spokane roads for sale in the tabloids! I grabbed it " This too please" She looked at me and said
" awe, Honey..."
AGGGG- what would she say if I called her 'sugar lips?'
" Put that back- I have some complementary ones right here."
" Oh, Okay...Are you sure? Thanks"
I paid my bill and went to the service desk to ask the guy how to get to 509 W. Shannon. He said- oh- its right down the street. " So I jumped into Spokane culture lingo & all..." Honey, I'm new in town...Could you write down all of it for me- even which way to turn out of the parking lot. It took me 3 hours to get here." He laughed. I frowned. He stopped laughing...
" Oh, your serious."
"Yes, I'm serious".
The paper had beautiful directions that I could actually follow! I asked nice man who laughs too much,
" And the streets you wrote down...Is Indian called Indiana all the way? And the other roads?"
" Yes mam" ( Finally no "sweetie")
I said "thank you..." I took my bags to the car and followed his directions. I was home in 7 minutes.
I made dinner at 10:45pm, starving to death, and then got busy unpacking. I didn't label anything- although everything I owned fit into my 1995 Pontiac Grand Am- so there wasn't too much. I promised myself, as soon as I find my sheets and bed spread I'm calling it quits for today. Around 1am after unpacking clothes, posters/decor and newly bought dishes and cleaning supplies, I opened the suitcase with the comforter and sheets. I put them on my bed, got my cat Cricket to snuggle even though he was still drugged from the tranquilizer for the car ride from Chicago to Spokane.
I closed the door to my room, " No place like home!"
I plugged a lamp in but I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed...I thought I HAD to get it done- I had to be ready and have my home ready. Tara, my roommate to be was coming in 2 days and I wanted as much as possible set up...
I had just gotten back from dropping my brother off in Seattle to catch a flight because he helped drive me out to this crazy place where all the roads were strange. After driving all the way cross -country, dropping all of my earthly possessions off at my new place we slept on the floor and rose early to get him to the airport. I dropped him off at SEATAC, had lunch with some cousins I hadn't seen in years and then headed right back for Spokane- another 6 hours! I managed to get my way back to my apartment somehow- I must have messed up a couple times- 7 years later I can't remember but I do remember the fresh smell of paint in the hall as I opened up the apartment.
Where to begin? I had so much to do. It was 6:3o pm and I wanted to get some groceries before it was completely dark. I grabbed my keys and my purse got in my car ready to go and I started driving.
"So...Where is a grocery store? Hmmm."
I stopped the car to think before I got too far down Shannon Rd- my street. I figured- a pretty big city- there has to be one somewhere...I'll just drive down the main drag and go a couple miles- surely I will find something! Boy was I wrong!
I drove for 20 minutes down the street and thought I saw something that resembled a grocery store so I tried to turn around but all of a sudden I was on a one way street that was separating from the street I was just on. I started heading in another direction. I looked at street signs and I was on Division, but now I was on Ruby- "How did this happen?" I turned around and tried to find my way back. Well I'll drive the other way down Indiana....I turned right and went west for a good 20 minutes. It started to get dark and all of a sudden I was driving on the edge of a road overlooking some huge river and the other side was houses. I turned around again and thought sure If I had just gone a little farther before on the other road- stuck it out a little longer, maybe I would have found something eventually- after all, it wasn't just houses- there were businesses. I turned around and before I passed my apartment again, I stopped at a gas station by my apartment and asked directions. I went in embarrassed so I looked around for something to buy so I didn't look too desperate. I asked the attendant with gum in my hand, but a nosy town's person felt like he had the authority to answer it better. It looked like he had lived in Spokane his whole life so I listened to him.
" Oh Sure sweetie- just go back the way you were headed," (Okay, how does he know where I was coming from- first scary thought. And Why did he call me sweetie? Second scary thought) ," and turn right on Nevada".
Its not too far.
"Okay thanks... " Now should I stop at another gas station where scary man who knew where I came from wasn't there, or should I trust him? So I continued up Division and it turned into a one way named Ruby again....Oh boy. I went as far as I did last time and 10 minutes further. No luck- It's 9pm! Where is the stupid store!?! I stopped again.
" Excuse me. Where is the closest grocery store? Or where is Nevada? I've been driving down this one way for ages and I can't find it. "
The lady smiled and said, " New to town?"
I'm thinking, "No, I'm pulling your leg, I know my way around Spokane I just do this for fun on Friday nights." So I said "yes."
She said, "Dear..." ( Why do people call you pet names- dear and sweetie in Spokane so much? hmmmm.) "Dear, Nevada is parallel to this street. You need to go east on the next road and you will hit Nevada."
Okay....
So I turned my car around (again- pretty soon I'm going to need one of these gas stations)
and drive all the way back to Indiana- another street I lived near where I first asked for directions. I went east on Indiana and looked for "Nevada."
I drove 3 blocks and I didn't find Nevada, but I did find a grocery store. "FINALLY Hallelujah!" So I went in shopped for the essentials- TP- Cat food, ground beef, milk, pasta noodles. I'm in the check out 30 minutes later- almost 10pm.
While in line I ask the lady," Out of curiosity Where is Nevada Rd?"
The lady looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
" Are you new in town?"
" Geesh do I have a sign on me or something? And why does everyone state the obvious around here???" I thought to myself.
She smiled at my look of curiosity at her mind blowing observation.
"Well, Honey ..." ( Here we go again)
" If you continue with this road that you are on and go 20 minutes North- this street will turn into Nevada.
She almost stepped back from the bright light illumination above my head. Ahhhh--- that man who said turn on Nevada actually meant Hamilton because they are the same road! How was I supposed to know that. As she is telling me my total I see a map of Spokane roads for sale in the tabloids! I grabbed it " This too please" She looked at me and said
" awe, Honey..."
AGGGG- what would she say if I called her 'sugar lips?'
" Put that back- I have some complementary ones right here."
" Oh, Okay...Are you sure? Thanks"
I paid my bill and went to the service desk to ask the guy how to get to 509 W. Shannon. He said- oh- its right down the street. " So I jumped into Spokane culture lingo & all..." Honey, I'm new in town...Could you write down all of it for me- even which way to turn out of the parking lot. It took me 3 hours to get here." He laughed. I frowned. He stopped laughing...
" Oh, your serious."
"Yes, I'm serious".
The paper had beautiful directions that I could actually follow! I asked nice man who laughs too much,
" And the streets you wrote down...Is Indian called Indiana all the way? And the other roads?"
" Yes mam" ( Finally no "sweetie")
I said "thank you..." I took my bags to the car and followed his directions. I was home in 7 minutes.
I made dinner at 10:45pm, starving to death, and then got busy unpacking. I didn't label anything- although everything I owned fit into my 1995 Pontiac Grand Am- so there wasn't too much. I promised myself, as soon as I find my sheets and bed spread I'm calling it quits for today. Around 1am after unpacking clothes, posters/decor and newly bought dishes and cleaning supplies, I opened the suitcase with the comforter and sheets. I put them on my bed, got my cat Cricket to snuggle even though he was still drugged from the tranquilizer for the car ride from Chicago to Spokane.
I closed the door to my room, " No place like home!"
Thursday, November 17, 2005
30 confessions
1. I love iced nonfat caramel macciatos so much I could almost rationalize spending $3.50 each day on one.
2. I like being a girl.
3. Point of Grace (the band) scares me
4. Before all the hype with all the movies, my favorite superhero was and still is Spider Man.
5. My top three (okay... 5) movies are Good Will Hunting, About Schmidt, and a tie between Garden State & Butterfly Effect and LOR trilogy
6. If I could choose any era to live in (other than today), I'd pick the reformation era.
7. I would love to have a big family...maybe 9 kids...that way no one is spoiled...including me :)
8. I hate cheese
9. One band for the rest of my life?... it would be Caedmon's Call/Derek Webb
10. I love mountains...If I had my way, I'd move to Washington or Colorado for the rest of my life.
11. I love hugs & kisses
12. Quality time is the best way to love me
13. I could eat a hambuger & fries every day...I just don't because its not good for me.
14. Out side of Scripture, Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard is the best book/novel ever- it absolutely changed my life
15. Calvinist through & through
16. Green is so beautiful
17. I am ready & wating for heaven, in all honesty.
18. The rest are soon to come.... Ohhh- I know how to keep you in suspense! :)
2. I like being a girl.
3. Point of Grace (the band) scares me
4. Before all the hype with all the movies, my favorite superhero was and still is Spider Man.
5. My top three (okay... 5) movies are Good Will Hunting, About Schmidt, and a tie between Garden State & Butterfly Effect and LOR trilogy
6. If I could choose any era to live in (other than today), I'd pick the reformation era.
7. I would love to have a big family...maybe 9 kids...that way no one is spoiled...including me :)
8. I hate cheese
9. One band for the rest of my life?... it would be Caedmon's Call/Derek Webb
10. I love mountains...If I had my way, I'd move to Washington or Colorado for the rest of my life.
11. I love hugs & kisses
12. Quality time is the best way to love me
13. I could eat a hambuger & fries every day...I just don't because its not good for me.
14. Out side of Scripture, Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard is the best book/novel ever- it absolutely changed my life
15. Calvinist through & through
16. Green is so beautiful
17. I am ready & wating for heaven, in all honesty.
18. The rest are soon to come.... Ohhh- I know how to keep you in suspense! :)
Friday, November 11, 2005
emotional music
There is something about Caedmon's Call's song "Only One-Holy One" that makes me feel heaven. Its like I put that song in and I feel immediatly brought back to the concert where I heard it performed for the first time. They made a light show/display match the emotions/words in the song as they played- The light would pulse when they played music that pulsed- and the music pulsed just as the words talk about that longing for heaven- like an inevitable bliss that is here, but not yet fully realized. When they move from earthly perspective to heavenly perspective the light begins looking down on the floor -showing all over the floor-and then all of a sudden it comes up and flashes the audience in bright light, blinding, pure white light and finally points straight up sending light everywhere on the ceiling- which spreads light all over the room. It took a lot to hold back the tears. HOW DO THEY DO IT? It is almost as if their very music is so intentional that it plays on the deep theology in every word, chord, beat and strum- it all matches. The emotions are so appropriate.
I like to drive in to work listening to Chris Tomlin- I'm not a big fan of all the new "worship waves" but Chris Tomlin has a quality about him. As I fly at 35 miles per hour on the glistening lake front of Chicago's part of Lake Michigan, I often find its the best part of my day. Its on my journey to work that I am most grabbed at how much I need Jesus- as my body wakes up, my wicked heart wakes up with it. I wish I could just let that part of me sleep in- permanently. There are some days when I know I wake it up on purpose- somedays I even shake it awake asking it to come play with my depraved mind. So these morning drives, I find are important to me-
To the left of me as I drive in are mammoth sized buildings to my right and and a crystal sea to my right. I like looking to the right much better- His mightly fingerprints are all over it- oh, Draw me Lord.
I like to drive in to work listening to Chris Tomlin- I'm not a big fan of all the new "worship waves" but Chris Tomlin has a quality about him. As I fly at 35 miles per hour on the glistening lake front of Chicago's part of Lake Michigan, I often find its the best part of my day. Its on my journey to work that I am most grabbed at how much I need Jesus- as my body wakes up, my wicked heart wakes up with it. I wish I could just let that part of me sleep in- permanently. There are some days when I know I wake it up on purpose- somedays I even shake it awake asking it to come play with my depraved mind. So these morning drives, I find are important to me-
To the left of me as I drive in are mammoth sized buildings to my right and and a crystal sea to my right. I like looking to the right much better- His mightly fingerprints are all over it- oh, Draw me Lord.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Suicide is in fashion this year
Is it just me or is taking your own life a little more common than it should be?
In March I lost a friend named Clark Stacy to this disease called suicide. I was shocked as he was popular, good looking, smart and so many other good qualities. The school was shocked, but yet not really phased. He was just a few weeks from graduation and when the students came back from spring break they heard the awful news. The institution handeled it as well as they could have...no matter how much planning you do on a "P.R." end, people's emotions and reactions can never be staged or planned. We asked why, we cried, we were angry, we cried more and then we moved on.
After my mother's death in highschool (which was not a suicide) I kept praying that the pain would never go away because I knew I would feel guilty if I allowed myself to move on no matter how supposedly healthy everyone said it would be. I was afraid that once the pain went away, it would be like she never existed and I would just be half -orphan whose life was never touched, influenced or loved by a mother.
Yesterday was July 4th, indepence day or as I called it in Highschool..."yeah America day." On the way to a famliar spot in Itasca to see fireworks (the best kept secret in the suburbs on the 4th of July) I was very near the old neighborhood I grew up in. I asked my two friends with me if they wouldn't mind if I went to go look at the old house in Bloomingdale. They said it was fine...we had plenty of time before fireworks started.
When we pulled up in front of my old house a stream of memories flooded back to me. "Mom, what is this bug with the weird horns?" "Dad, pull me behind the tractor on my cart!" Look Jeff! I'm shorter than the maple tree now!" That maple tree my mom planted the year I was born. It was a big healthy tree planed almost right in the middle of the front yard. My parents did amazing landscaping together...I think they loved each other most when they were outside in the mud making the yard look beautiful. So when we pulled up and the maple tree was only a stump and the beautiful flower garden my mom and I helped my dad maintain every year was overgrown and ugly I realized again, in one of those realization moments, that I had changed and my world had changed. My front yard was the safest place in the world to me at one point. It now looked so different that I didn't even want to keep my eyes open...I just wanted to sniff the flowers and the pines my parents planted and remember what it was like. In a moment, as my eyes were fixed shut I swore I heard little Naomi say, "Jamie, lets make mud pies and then swim in my kiddie pool!" And I thought I heard Russell and Mark yell to me to come over so we could play cops & robbers or rummycube. I could envision Aaron (who we called Arrow then later Pharoah then Aarow the Pharoah), Stephen and Vicky (who we called Perry, but I'm not sure why) in their swim suits coming back from the pool ready to explore with us.
I opened my eyes and the maple tree was still gone.
I looked over at Russell and Vicky's house and was curious to see if they still lived there... then out walks Russell. I jump out of the car and slowly walk toward him and say "Russell?" He said, "Jamie?" our faces said "Woah." He asked how I was doing and I told him I was doing well, I asked him how he was, what the "hood" was like. He said, " Oh, uh...Mark died a few weeks ago." I asked what happened and Russell told me that he was smoking rocks and he had tried to kill himself before and with the combination of other things he was taking his heart couldn't take it. My dear Mark, my heart cannot take this.
I read his obit today...even though I cried myself to sleep last night, it just became all the more real when I saw it there in black and white this morning.
I began the blame game. It's my fault, I was alwasy such a bad witness...shoving legalism down his non-saved 12 year old throat maybe turning him off to "religion" forever. I never let him just be a sinner...no back then I poked and prodded and beat that dead horse. He came to youth group for a whole summer with me despite my obvious innability to be Christ-like. He would go outside in the middle of it to smoke (at age 15 or 16). One night I told him no more smoking while we are at church, "if you do you can't come anymore!" What kind of garbage was that? That was anything but christianity! I am just sad at that person I was. I can blame myself.
I can blame the public school system. How may people have to take their own life before the good old public school system gets the hint that telling people that they descended from monkeys really destroys self worth. What a worthless existence to believe we came from sludge. To me, knowing I was created on purpose in the image of God gives me reason to believe that my life is at least worth a little something. But when you are told that your grandpa was the lead role in the Planet of the Apes it's a little hard to believe your life has value.
I can blame God, but nothing good ever comes of that, I will rather ask "why?" knowing I will never know.
I can blame forever...
So, thats two friends within a matter of 3+ months. What is going on?
In March I lost a friend named Clark Stacy to this disease called suicide. I was shocked as he was popular, good looking, smart and so many other good qualities. The school was shocked, but yet not really phased. He was just a few weeks from graduation and when the students came back from spring break they heard the awful news. The institution handeled it as well as they could have...no matter how much planning you do on a "P.R." end, people's emotions and reactions can never be staged or planned. We asked why, we cried, we were angry, we cried more and then we moved on.
After my mother's death in highschool (which was not a suicide) I kept praying that the pain would never go away because I knew I would feel guilty if I allowed myself to move on no matter how supposedly healthy everyone said it would be. I was afraid that once the pain went away, it would be like she never existed and I would just be half -orphan whose life was never touched, influenced or loved by a mother.
Yesterday was July 4th, indepence day or as I called it in Highschool..."yeah America day." On the way to a famliar spot in Itasca to see fireworks (the best kept secret in the suburbs on the 4th of July) I was very near the old neighborhood I grew up in. I asked my two friends with me if they wouldn't mind if I went to go look at the old house in Bloomingdale. They said it was fine...we had plenty of time before fireworks started.
When we pulled up in front of my old house a stream of memories flooded back to me. "Mom, what is this bug with the weird horns?" "Dad, pull me behind the tractor on my cart!" Look Jeff! I'm shorter than the maple tree now!" That maple tree my mom planted the year I was born. It was a big healthy tree planed almost right in the middle of the front yard. My parents did amazing landscaping together...I think they loved each other most when they were outside in the mud making the yard look beautiful. So when we pulled up and the maple tree was only a stump and the beautiful flower garden my mom and I helped my dad maintain every year was overgrown and ugly I realized again, in one of those realization moments, that I had changed and my world had changed. My front yard was the safest place in the world to me at one point. It now looked so different that I didn't even want to keep my eyes open...I just wanted to sniff the flowers and the pines my parents planted and remember what it was like. In a moment, as my eyes were fixed shut I swore I heard little Naomi say, "Jamie, lets make mud pies and then swim in my kiddie pool!" And I thought I heard Russell and Mark yell to me to come over so we could play cops & robbers or rummycube. I could envision Aaron (who we called Arrow then later Pharoah then Aarow the Pharoah), Stephen and Vicky (who we called Perry, but I'm not sure why) in their swim suits coming back from the pool ready to explore with us.
I opened my eyes and the maple tree was still gone.
I looked over at Russell and Vicky's house and was curious to see if they still lived there... then out walks Russell. I jump out of the car and slowly walk toward him and say "Russell?" He said, "Jamie?" our faces said "Woah." He asked how I was doing and I told him I was doing well, I asked him how he was, what the "hood" was like. He said, " Oh, uh...Mark died a few weeks ago." I asked what happened and Russell told me that he was smoking rocks and he had tried to kill himself before and with the combination of other things he was taking his heart couldn't take it. My dear Mark, my heart cannot take this.
I read his obit today...even though I cried myself to sleep last night, it just became all the more real when I saw it there in black and white this morning.
I began the blame game. It's my fault, I was alwasy such a bad witness...shoving legalism down his non-saved 12 year old throat maybe turning him off to "religion" forever. I never let him just be a sinner...no back then I poked and prodded and beat that dead horse. He came to youth group for a whole summer with me despite my obvious innability to be Christ-like. He would go outside in the middle of it to smoke (at age 15 or 16). One night I told him no more smoking while we are at church, "if you do you can't come anymore!" What kind of garbage was that? That was anything but christianity! I am just sad at that person I was. I can blame myself.
I can blame the public school system. How may people have to take their own life before the good old public school system gets the hint that telling people that they descended from monkeys really destroys self worth. What a worthless existence to believe we came from sludge. To me, knowing I was created on purpose in the image of God gives me reason to believe that my life is at least worth a little something. But when you are told that your grandpa was the lead role in the Planet of the Apes it's a little hard to believe your life has value.
I can blame God, but nothing good ever comes of that, I will rather ask "why?" knowing I will never know.
I can blame forever...
So, thats two friends within a matter of 3+ months. What is going on?
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Godly Femininity
Im reading Captivating right now by John & Stacy Eldredge If any of you out there know me, you're tilting your head sideways saying " is this really Jamie?" Yes, I'm reading one of those books. I have to say, it's bringing up a lot of issues I've thought about myself. I recommend that men read this book.
I wonder sometimes if life is really this formulaic...they say its not a "ten step" book, but advice is given and it flows logical. It also gives you practical things to do. So, their aren't numbers per say, but at least its disguised well!
A good...no a great guy friend of mine told me that he is just looking for a big sweetheart. I thought to myself, well good luck, because sweethearts are those girls that have never had anything crappy happen to them...you know the kind of crap that just kicks the sweetness right out of you. It made me wonder...here is this pretty normal guy, do all men want this? Does every man want a sweetheart? I'm sorry then. I've been scarred in every area of life and reality is just too real.
Maybe I'm just equating "being sweet" to naivete. Maybe I don't see the sweetness in me and when I try it's like sweet and low...that fake stuff that just doesn't taste the same.
But deep down inside I'm that little girl that wants a handsome prince to come "rescue" me. I want a man that can show me a thing or two about theology. I want a man who will not be passive and step up and take the role as leader. I want a guy who isn't afraid of my less than smooth past and can see the beauty it's made me. I may not win optimist of the year, but I don't feel like I'm all that hard.
Just treat me like woman and then maybe I'll respond like a woman. You know, open doors...pay the tax for food when you are just splitting the bill...give me your hand when I'm scared...push my hair from my eyes when I cry and ask whats wrong... offer your jacket when I'm cold and don't take no for an answer. And yes, all these things are and can be done by guys who are "just friends."
I'm not mad at my guy friend, I actually feel like a better person when I'm with him...I feel feminine.
His tenderhearted masculinity and strength draws upon my hidden & suppressed femininity. It's slowly coming out. I'm so thankful for my friend. God is using His body to help me become who he designed me to be.
At the same time I wonder too how these trials I've gone through have defined me to an extent but also really helped make me into the person God wants me to be.
I wonder sometimes if life is really this formulaic...they say its not a "ten step" book, but advice is given and it flows logical. It also gives you practical things to do. So, their aren't numbers per say, but at least its disguised well!
A good...no a great guy friend of mine told me that he is just looking for a big sweetheart. I thought to myself, well good luck, because sweethearts are those girls that have never had anything crappy happen to them...you know the kind of crap that just kicks the sweetness right out of you. It made me wonder...here is this pretty normal guy, do all men want this? Does every man want a sweetheart? I'm sorry then. I've been scarred in every area of life and reality is just too real.
Maybe I'm just equating "being sweet" to naivete. Maybe I don't see the sweetness in me and when I try it's like sweet and low...that fake stuff that just doesn't taste the same.
But deep down inside I'm that little girl that wants a handsome prince to come "rescue" me. I want a man that can show me a thing or two about theology. I want a man who will not be passive and step up and take the role as leader. I want a guy who isn't afraid of my less than smooth past and can see the beauty it's made me. I may not win optimist of the year, but I don't feel like I'm all that hard.
Just treat me like woman and then maybe I'll respond like a woman. You know, open doors...pay the tax for food when you are just splitting the bill...give me your hand when I'm scared...push my hair from my eyes when I cry and ask whats wrong... offer your jacket when I'm cold and don't take no for an answer. And yes, all these things are and can be done by guys who are "just friends."
I'm not mad at my guy friend, I actually feel like a better person when I'm with him...I feel feminine.
His tenderhearted masculinity and strength draws upon my hidden & suppressed femininity. It's slowly coming out. I'm so thankful for my friend. God is using His body to help me become who he designed me to be.
At the same time I wonder too how these trials I've gone through have defined me to an extent but also really helped make me into the person God wants me to be.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
So, blog, blog blog...
The city has gotten to me.
I woke up one day and realized I live in Chicago...the 3rd or 4th largest city in the United States. After 5 years it finally hit me. Many people would never dream of ever living in some place as big as this and some people do dream of it, but never gather up the courage to pack thier bags and go. How did I get here?
School in the city is different. It's like you don't even live there, you're just a separate entity inside of something bigger- like D.C. and Maryland. D.C. isn't Maryland, but surrounded mostly by it. Then you get out of school and most of your friends leave. You learn what the word alone means. Then you adjust, you get new friends, you move on. I've been moving on for 2 years now. Everything seems glamourous again: the night lights shining on Lake Michigan are brilliant, the ferris wheel is fun again and not something I've done 200 times, getting ice cream on a warm summer night brings the same excitement as when I was eight.
The sirens are like a nice lullaby at night-time now; its hard to fall asleep in complete quiet. Walking around drunk people on Saturday night is normal. Chicago is home.
The city has gotten to me.
I woke up one day and realized I live in Chicago...the 3rd or 4th largest city in the United States. After 5 years it finally hit me. Many people would never dream of ever living in some place as big as this and some people do dream of it, but never gather up the courage to pack thier bags and go. How did I get here?
School in the city is different. It's like you don't even live there, you're just a separate entity inside of something bigger- like D.C. and Maryland. D.C. isn't Maryland, but surrounded mostly by it. Then you get out of school and most of your friends leave. You learn what the word alone means. Then you adjust, you get new friends, you move on. I've been moving on for 2 years now. Everything seems glamourous again: the night lights shining on Lake Michigan are brilliant, the ferris wheel is fun again and not something I've done 200 times, getting ice cream on a warm summer night brings the same excitement as when I was eight.
The sirens are like a nice lullaby at night-time now; its hard to fall asleep in complete quiet. Walking around drunk people on Saturday night is normal. Chicago is home.
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